And The Most Enjoyable Parenting Stage Is…

Every so often, I find myself scrolling through social media and come across posts like, “OMG! Just held my friend’s new baby. My heart just melted! Newborns are the absolute best!” I can’t help but think, Really?! Do you not recall the leaky breasts, the constant spit-up, and the exhaustion that feels like it might never end?

Then there are those moments at the playground when I overhear a mother reminiscing about how delightful the toddler phase was when her little one “said the most adorable things” (a.k.a. he swore in public). I feel like shouting: Do you really not remember why we call them threenagers?!

Some parents rave about how “totally amazing!” it is to have teenagers because they can borrow their clothes and stay in the loop with the latest slang (like knowing what “bae” means). Seriously?! You sound a bit silly using the term “totally amazing” in conversation.

So, the debate about which parenting stage is the best is as hotly contested as whether to opt for an epidural or buy a 3-year-old an iPad. Gather a group of parents, and you’ll get as many different opinions as there are stages. To help settle this debate, let’s break down the various stages.

Baby Stage

Pros: Babies are soft, cuddly, and undeniably cute. They sleep about 20 hours a day, making them quite portable. Strap a baby into a car seat, and you’re ready for a trip to the grocery store or a new eatery down the block—almost like carrying a designer handbag, although the car seat weighs a ton.

Cons: Despite all that sleep, it comes in short bursts, typically 37 minutes long—the exact time it takes for a new mom to shower, change out of her spit-up-stained shirt, and gulp down a lukewarm cup of coffee. When a baby starts crying in public and nothing seems to soothe them, it’s a mad dash for the exit, leaving behind half-eaten meals and a puddle of sweat.

Toddler Stage

Pros: Toddlers are adorable as they wobble around on their little legs. They might be napping and, with any luck, even sleeping through the night, which means you can start to feel somewhat normal. They can finally communicate their needs when they cry. “Me want milk!”

Cons: Unfortunately, everything from electrical outlets to cleaning supplies becomes a potential hazard. And while they can articulate their desires, they can also throw a monumental tantrum if you dare give them their milk in the blue cup instead of the orange one.

Preschool Stage

Pros: You get a couple of hours of peace while they’re at school in the morning. They come home from school ready for a nap, and they adore you more than anyone in the world.

Cons: When they’re awake, they are like a whirlwind of energy, leaving you more exhausted than during the baby stage. The glitter and crafts they bring home can quickly take over your living space. Their mood swings can rival those of a hormonal teenager.

Grade School Stage

Pros: Many refer to this phase as the “sweet spot” of parenting. The magic of childhood is still alive, but now they can dress themselves, keep themselves entertained, and even fix the iPad when it malfunctions.

Cons: Third-grade math is a whole new ballgame, far more complicated than it was back in your day. Just five minutes of TV leads to chaos over what to watch, and they can become distraught when their Minecraft creations are destroyed.

Tween Stage

Pros: The good news is they don’t outright despise us.

Cons: The not-so-great news? They’re not exactly fond of us either.

Teen Stage

Pros: It’s rewarding to watch them mature into mini adults. You can enjoy shared activities like shopping or baseball together. They’re also becoming more independent, handling their own homework and social lives.

Cons: The challenges become more significant. Concerns like texting, substance use, and the mysterious empty wine bottle in the fridge loom large. They might drive themselves around town, but they often forget to fill the tank. Their conversations are filled with acronyms and slang that can leave you baffled, not to mention the frequent eye rolls.

So, there you have it: the ups and downs of each parenting stage. That should clear things up, right? No? What’s my favorite stage? Honestly, it has been the same for the past decade—I cherish whatever stage we happen to be in.

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Summary

Parenting stages each have their unique blend of joys and challenges, from the squishy cuteness of newborns to the independence of teens. While each phase offers distinct experiences, it’s vital to appreciate the present moment, regardless of the stage your child is in.