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Dear Beloved Children,
It’s time for us to have a little heart-to-heart. I thought we were a united front, a family of adventurers navigating life together. But lately, I feel like I’m on the receiving end of some serious parental critiques, and I’m not sure I can handle it.
Listen, I may not have all my ducks in a row, and I’m certainly not perfect, but do you really have to share my shortcomings with the entire neighborhood? There’s already a world full of critics out there—do I really need my own family piling on? I mean, I did bring you into this world and keep you fed (mostly) and clothed. I assumed you understood where your bread gets buttered, but here we are, with you throwing me under the bus for minor blunders.
Some Examples
For instance, when you get off the bus and I’m not standing there like a statue, could you please head toward our house instead of diving onto the neighbor’s lawn crying “abandonment”?
And can we talk about how you casually drop “Mommy forgot about picture day” into conversations? I didn’t forget; I just didn’t see the need to pay $50 for wallet-sized photos of you in a tangled mess and an outfit you insisted on wearing in front of a backdrop of a fake forest. Seriously, I’m still recovering from our last family photo shoot in the great outdoors! Plus, I didn’t forget to send you to the book fair; I just didn’t have cash for that yearbook of Disney stars you wanted, especially when we could’ve talked about classics by Louisa May Alcott instead.
Oh, and thanks for that lovely Mother’s Day card filled out by your preschool teacher, which said my favorite activity is sleeping. Did it cross your mind to mention that I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in over seven years—thanks to little night crawlers like you? Maybe next time, you could include some of the fun things we do together, like bike riding or baking, instead of just highlighting my lack of sleep!
Let’s also keep our Happy Meal toy collection a secret, okay? It’s not exactly the image I want to project about our dining habits.
And please, when your art project involves drums made from household junk, let’s skip the suggestion of using “all Mommy’s empty wine boxes.” Daddy had some of that wine too, and I had plans for those boxes—like constructing my own cozy fort, Mommy’s House of Zin!
Let’s Tone Down the Dramatics
Finally, let’s tone down the dramatics a bit. Telling your teacher that you can’t raise your arm because of a “horrible sunburn” from my sunscreen skills is a bit much. You were outside for just half an hour, and your shoulders are barely pink! Please remember to mention how I’m a “monster” for trying to help when I switched your seat with your brother because he was feeling sick.
Now, I’m not claiming to be a flawless parent. I make mistakes and I forget things. That Tooth Fairy who didn’t leave you a dollar? Yeah, that one’s on me. But you’re alive, healthy, and doing well socially, so I’d call that a victory.
If you feel the need to voice your grievances, how about jotting them down in your journal for your future therapist? That way, we can keep the neighborhood gossip-free! Oh, and make me a copy so I can read them back to you in twenty years when your child tells Grandma they had to buy ice cream from the cafeteria because you never pack enough lunch.
With all my love,
Mom
Summary
In a light-hearted yet candid note, a mother addresses her children about the trials of parenting and their tendency to publicly share her flaws. She humorously reflects on everyday challenges, from forgotten picture days to the realities of motherhood, and encourages her children to keep their grievances private for future reflection.