Do you recall being a child and longing to be older? (I’m petite and would love just a few extra inches, but I mean young here.) In elementary school, I found myself wishing I could date, and during my middle school years, I looked forward to high school. Freshman year rolled around, and suddenly, I was eager to be a senior. I wished for a cell phone, a driver’s license, and the freedom to make mistakes (which I certainly did). And guess what? The wishing never stopped.
By the time I was a senior, I was dreaming of college, craving independence and success (which didn’t quite pan out) in the equestrian world. So, I packed my bags for Kentucky right after graduation. I signed up for classes, personalized my dorm room, and got a job at Churchill Downs. Did my wishing end there? Absolutely not! I met a fantastic guy, and three years later, I found myself wishing for a baby. God blessed me with a son, and he has made me want to hit the giant red “EMERGENCY STOP” button on my life. Is that even a thing? Because it should be!
At not quite 4 years old, my son frequently says, “When I get big and strong…” This phrase is practically a standard motivational mantra, right?
- You need to eat your veggies because they’ll help you grow big and strong.
- Get outside and play; it will help you be big and strong.
- Sleep well and drink plenty of water; one day, you’ll be big and strong!
And thus, a child dreams of a time when he is no longer small. Is this mantra the sole culprit? Not really—his father stands at 6-foot-4 and embodies strength. Naturally, our son aspires to be like him. He observes his dad mowing the lawn (and has been eager to help since he could walk) and constructing a playhouse with his own two hands. He loves to assist me in the kitchen but feels he’s not “big enough” to crack eggs into the batter. His imaginative mind is brimming with ideas, yet he doesn’t feel “big enough” to make them happen physically. Recently, he gazed up at his dad and declared, “Daddy, I can’t wait to be as tall as you!” My husband knelt down, cupped his face, and gently replied, “Buddy, it’s perfectly fine to be little right now.” Our son, of course, disagreed.
We’ve all been there. Even now, as I approach 30, I sometimes wish I looked different. I wish I could erase the dark circles, the signs of aging, the hair that refuses to grow, the unruly eyebrows—whatever it may be. My entire life has been spent wishing to be older, and now I find myself fearing aging, longing to rewind the clock, and regretting that my 20s are slipping away.
If I could freeze time, I might just do it. To bottle up and preserve all the magic of these fleeting childhood moments. But perhaps that wish is simply another form of longing, and maybe it’s time to focus on being present instead.
My dear son, you are already so big and so strong. You are perfect just the way you are. Life is wonderful right now. You’re transitioning from toddlerhood to boyhood. You ARE big and strong, so please embrace who you are—the baby I wished for, the boy I will always cherish.
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Summary:
The author reflects on the constant desire to grow up, sharing her childhood experiences of wishing for adulthood. She notes her son’s similar feelings as he longs to be “big and strong,” influenced by family dynamics and societal expectations. Ultimately, she emphasizes the importance of embracing the present and appreciating her son just as he is.