As I anticipated the arrival of my first child, I had little clarity about what the future held. Honestly, my main concern was surviving labor, which was quite daunting. I had decided to take a semester off from my teaching job, but beyond that, I was merely taking things one day at a time.
Then he arrived: an incredibly beautiful, intense, and captivating little being who turned my world upside down. In those early months, he nursed almost constantly, day and night, and settling him down for sleep was a challenge that only I, my partner, or my breast could manage. I’m sure he would have eventually accepted care from others, but as a first-time mom, I simply couldn’t see how that would work.
Financially, returning to work didn’t make sense either. Between my commute, salary, and the staggering costs of childcare in my area, I would barely break even. Thus, I found myself embracing the role of stay-at-home mom, driven by necessity and a deep-rooted instinct.
The years flew by, and after five years, I had another child. I managed to find part-time work that fit around my husband’s schedule, but the reality is, I’ve been the primary caregiver at home for all these years. My days often started before dawn and continued until my husband returned in the evening, frequently fueled by little sleep or interrupted rest due to nursing or sick children.
Let me tell you, it’s no walk in the park. I love this role, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. However, being a stay-at-home mom is a job—don’t let anyone convince you otherwise! It stretches you in ways you never imagined, but it also reveals a strength you didn’t know you possessed. It allows the most fierce version of yourself to emerge.
With my youngest starting half-day preschool soon, I can finally see a glimmer of freedom on the horizon—though I’m already getting emotional about it. Reflecting on my earlier days as a new SAHM, I realize I had no idea what I was getting into or how I would manage those endless days.
Insights for New Stay-at-Home Moms
To all the new moms beginning this journey, here are some insights to help you navigate the beautiful chaos of stay-at-home motherhood:
- It’s Completely Fine to Vent.
Letting off steam is not only normal, it’s essential. Just because you express frustration doesn’t mean you love your children any less. Kids can be incredibly exhausting and stressful, and sometimes you just need to voice that. - Don’t Hesitate to Ask for Assistance.
This is something I’m still learning to embrace. If you’re feeling overwhelmed with a sick baby, don’t hesitate to ask your partner to take a day off. Or, reach out to a neighbor for help with school runs. Remember, it takes a village, and you don’t have to bear it all alone. - Avoid Comparing Yourself to Other Moms.
Even those who appear to have everything figured out are likely struggling in their own ways. We all deal with fatigue, disorganization, and a plethora of challenges. Yoga pants with holes? Totally normal. - Get Out of the House When Possible.
I understand how tough it can be to leave the house with kids. But even a short stroll around the block or a chat with the mailman can break the monotony and help you feel more connected. - Toss Out the Guilt.
For years, I wrestled with my identity as a stay-at-home mom. Shouldn’t I be doing something more prestigious? The reality is, careers can wait. Motherhood often brings unexpected gifts that can enrich your professional life later. Plus, think about the financial impact of hiring someone to do what you do at home—you’re worth a lot! - Make Time for Yourself.
This is crucial, even though it may seem impossible with young kids. If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll have nothing left to give. Whether it’s a quick bath or a solitary meal, carve out moments for your own well-being.
Being the primary caregiver can be exhausting, isolating, and at times, tedious. But it also offers moments of pure magic with your children. Despite the challenges, the memories you’re creating are invaluable, and you’ll look back on this time with fondness.
To all the new SAHMs out there: Yes, it’s tough, but you’re doing it! You’re making lasting memories, and even if you can’t see it yet, you’re doing an incredible job. So, give yourself a break and revel in the importance of the work you’re doing.
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In summary, while the journey of a stay-at-home mom can be daunting and filled with challenges, it’s also a remarkable experience that shapes both you and your children. Embrace it, and know that you are making a significant impact.