Updated: May 28, 2023
Originally Published: May 28, 2023
When my husband was in fourth grade, he was quite the stylish young lad. Drawing inspiration from shows like Miami Vice, he sported vibrant pink shirts paired with crisp white jackets, neatly rolled sleeves, and perfectly styled hair. Each morning, he’d spend time perfecting his spiked hair and swagger, truly embodying that iconic 80s vibe. He was the type of kid who enjoyed hanging out with girls, sang in a boys’ choir, and radiated confidence. Those were the days when he felt invincible as a 10-year-old.
However, not everyone appreciated his flair. Some boys in his class, threatened by his confidence and choice of colors, often tried to bring him down. They would yell at him on the playground and sometimes even shove him. But he never let it bother him. When they teased him about his shirt, he’d simply respond with, “Thanks, I like it too,” and stroll back to the girls, unfazed.
Fast forward 30 years, and we have a 9-year-old son named Max who, like his dad, has a fondness for pink, enjoys music, and loves spending time with girls. Unfortunately, Max is far more sensitive than his father ever was.
Max’s first encounter with bullying came at a tender age of 3 or 4 when he wore a Tinker Bell costume at a babysitter’s house. He was having a blast playing with two girls when a mother came to pick up her daughters. Loudly, she questioned, “Why is that boy wearing a dress?” The babysitter, quick on her feet, replied, “He seems to be having a wonderful time!” Yet, the mother continued to criticize, pulling her daughters away as if they might catch something. Luckily, the babysitter responded with, “Embrace it, I’m sure.”
Up until that moment, Max had no idea that dressing up could be seen as unusual. After hearing the mother’s comments, he asked me about it later. I remember feeling a surge of anger but tried to reassure him in the best way I could. Thankfully, he continued to channel his inner Tinker Bell for quite a while after that.
Since then, Max has faced bullying from peers who mock him for not adhering to traditional norms. He’s been teased for his speech, his friendships, and even his choice of clothing. Unlike his father, Max tends not to stand up for himself, making it crucial for us to provide him with strategies and responses. He’s learned to assertively say “Stop” and understands the importance of reporting bullying incidents, like when he was kicked under the table. Mostly, he avoids kids who drain his confidence or try to diminish his uniqueness.
Despite these challenges, Max is generally accepted and loved for who he is, with a best friend who is a girl and living in a community that supports his choices. Yet, I can’t help but worry that external opinions have impacted him. He no longer wears pink and now opts for neutral colors, expressing his creativity through designing beautiful dresses on paper dolls instead.
As parents, we must empower our children to be individuals while teaching them the importance of respecting others’ choices too. Max’s first bully was a parent, and this incident reminds me that our children observe and absorb our behaviors. We have the ability to model acceptance and kindness.
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In summary, teaching our children how to cope with bullying is essential, and it starts with instilling confidence and acceptance within them. We must guide them to stand strong in their individuality while fostering a culture of respect for others.