After the birth of my son, my partner Kyle and I anticipated that conceiving again would be a breeze. However, secondary infertility crept in like that unexpected guest who overstays their welcome. After navigating several chemical pregnancies, one miscarriage, countless rounds of fertility treatments, and a lengthy 28 months, I finally welcomed twin daughters into the world.
At 41, while recovering from my C-section, I was eager to have my tubes tied. Unfortunately, the religious hospital I delivered at had a different perspective on birth control. Initially, I thought that nursing would postpone my ovulation, but just four months later, my body resumed its usual cycle, despite my continuous nursing efforts. Abstinence, it turns out, is the only foolproof method! The twins consumed all of our time, and during those rare moments alone, all we could think about was catching up on sleep. Our intimate moments became a distant memory.
Eventually, we emerged from the haze of sleepless nights and total baby immersion. We finally started to get some rest, the twins were off my breast, and I began to focus on my own well-being again. I shed the baby weight and cleared out my maternity wardrobe. With my childbearing years seemingly behind me, I looked forward to the next chapter of our lives. I dreamed of the following autumn when the girls would be in preschool five mornings a week. Three and a half hours of free time each day felt liberating!
As if on cue, my libido made a comeback too. Our condoms, which had long lost their effectiveness, were about to get a surprise. It was time to discuss our birth control plans, and after a thorough conversation, Kyle offered to undergo a vasectomy. I worried about whether he was genuinely comfortable with the decision. In the event of my unexpected passing, I wanted him to have the option to find love again, marry, and possibly have more children. However, he assured me that even if I were to leave this world like our expired condoms, he felt his family was complete.
Days passed and I occasionally inquired about his appointment. The answer was always “soon.” I figured this was his decision to make, so I gave him space. Then, in November, he informed me he had set up a consultation with the doctor and had a vasectomy scheduled for three weeks later. I felt proud of myself for being such a supportive wife who allowed him to take the lead on this.
However, a few days later, I woke up in the night with an unusual case of heartburn. It felt odd since I couldn’t recall having it before. The following night, I experienced it again. Glancing at my fertility calendar app, I saw that I had marked the start of my period but hadn’t tracked my ovulation. Could I be? The dates seemed a bit off, but I recalled some pregnancy tests I had saved.
Only someone who has faced fertility challenges would understand what I saw—a faint line, only visible at the perfect angle. It took three tests and a couple of days for Kyle to notice it too. I braced myself for another chemical pregnancy, expecting the line would fade over the next few days. But on day five, the line was unmistakable, so I called my OB/GYN in a panic and headed to her office for blood tests.
Yes, here I am at 43, six weeks pregnant. Despite my marriage and advanced age, I feel as though I could be cast in a reality show about teenage pregnancy. I’m exhausted, nauseous, and frustrated by a sudden 10-pound weight gain.
Naturally, it’s difficult to get excited about a pregnancy that may not be viable. There’s a 40 percent chance of miscarriage and increased risks of health complications for both me and the baby. Yet, I find it hard to feel sorrow over this unexpected pregnancy. This little one was conceived against all odds, almost as if by divine intervention. Adjusting to this new reality is a challenge. As Kyle reminded me, we thought our family was complete. But if this baby makes it to term, I know one thing: love expands with each child, and there’s always room for one more.
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Summary:
Jenna Hartman shares her unexpected journey of becoming pregnant at 43 after battling secondary infertility. Following the birth of her twin daughters, she and her husband planned a vasectomy but were surprised by a new pregnancy. Despite the challenges, they embrace the possibility of welcoming another child into their family.