The most recent snarky remark I received regarding my parenting choice was, “I suppose chocolate milk pairs well with the donuts you put in her lunch.” Quite rude, isn’t it? Who would be so judgmental about packing a couple of powdered donuts for my first-grader? You might be surprised to learn that I face such condescending comments almost weekly. Other areas of scrutiny include screen time, after-school activities, and even my children’s clothing choices. You might wonder why I haven’t severed ties with this person. After all, who needs that kind of negativity?
Well, I did end that relationship over two years ago when we divorced. Unfortunately, I still have to sift through his emails because he shares 50% custody of our kids. We even have a court-mandated parenting coach to help us communicate better. Yet, despite these efforts, the criticism continues—this is the reality of co-parenting with someone who exhibits narcissistic traits.
As parents, we are constantly bombarded with conflicting advice on how to raise our children. Opinions vary widely on everything from vaccinations to college readiness. Thankfully, there are also messages encouraging us to trust our instincts and ignore the noise. Still, show me a mother who doesn’t worry about potentially harming her child, and I’ll show you a unicorn. Parenting is a journey filled with second-guessing and uncertainty.
Anyone with more than one child can confirm that each one—regardless of nature and nurture—has their unique needs. Adjusting your parenting style requires practice, instinct, and an open mind. Criticism can lead to self-doubt, which undermines our decisions.
Usually, feedback comes from clickbait articles or online discussions. Sometimes, it’s a thoughtless comment from a neighbor or friend. Often, we are our own worst critics, drowning in a sea of negative self-talk. Ideally, the other parent should be your ally, supporting you through every decision in raising your children. When external voices criticize your parenting, you’d expect the other half of your parenting duo to uplift you, especially since you’re ultimately on the same team—Team Happy Kids.
However, that support is absent when co-parenting with an abusive or controlling individual. In their perspective, the swim goggles you choose will always be the wrong ones, the winter coat inadequate, and the chocolate milk will never be an acceptable companion for the donuts.
Yet, I find myself grateful to my unsupportive ex-husband. Although he will never endorse any of my parenting decisions, his relentless criticism has made me immune to judgment from anyone else.
If an acquaintance glares at me for taking my 4-year-old to see Star Wars on a school night, I hardly notice. If another parent makes a passive-aggressive comment about my child’s energetic nature, I simply brush it off. My ex’s negativity has fortified my resolve; I no longer let the opinions of strangers or even friends affect me.
If I can learn to disregard the disdain from my children’s father (and I’m still mastering that skill), then the judgments from others become mere background noise. The one person who should be my partner in raising our children is actively trying to undermine me, which has compelled me to rise above and improve. I filter out the competitive drama that seems to lurk in every scroll on my phone and every dance class.
Through this journey, I’ve also learned to quiet my inner critic, who sometimes tells me I’m failing even when I know I’m doing my best. Yes, I’ve become stronger and more self-assured because I need to be. I’m the only one on their team who truly cares about how this all turns out.
For more on navigating the complexities of parenthood, check out our post on home insemination at this link. Also, if you’re interested in further information on home insemination methods, you can learn more about the excellent resources provided by the CDC.
In summary, dealing with criticism from your ex-husband can be an arduous journey, but it can also lead to personal growth and resilience. Embracing your parenting choices, supporting yourself, and shutting out unnecessary noise can help you thrive in your role as a parent.