Congratulations, you’re expecting a little one! Feeling anxious? You have every right to be! Suddenly, everyone feels entitled to comment on your pregnancy and ask you personal questions. People who wouldn’t have even glanced at you in the supermarket are now giving unsolicited parenting advice in the pet food aisle. And if you’re particularly unlucky, you might even find a stranger reaching out to touch your belly while you’re just trying to grab some snacks.
It’s truly baffling. Why is it socially acceptable for people to touch you without permission just because you’re pregnant? Just imagine this scenario: I’m at the deli counter, and I turn to a random woman—who isn’t pregnant—and say, “Oh, I love your shoes!” before proceeding to rub my hands over her stomach and shoulders. The reactions could range from shock to calling security, and rightly so! You simply don’t touch strangers.
Fortunately, I don’t radiate the vibe of “please talk to me” or “please touch me.” By the time I was nearing the end of my second pregnancy, I was definitely sporting a frown. I was over it! As a result, I only experienced a few unsolicited touches—mostly from well-meaning older ladies at the library who didn’t care about personal boundaries while I was busy entertaining my son.
And then there are the endless questions. While pregnant, you spend what feels like 75% of your time fielding inquiries and the remaining 25% lounging in bed surrounded by pillows, a Snoogle, and your laptop, binge-watching Netflix. (Can anyone else relate to getting lost in “Orange is the New Black”? Just one more episode, right? Oh wait, that’s just me?)
Once your little one arrives, you might think the awkward conversations will subside, given the absence of a baby bump. You appreciate the kindness of strangers, but the small talk can be exhausting. Unfortunately, the awkwardness merely shifts to new topics, and you quickly realize your life is now a series of sitcom-worthy interactions.
As for my own postpartum body, it feels like a stranger. I can only liken myself to Santa Claus—my arms and legs toned up nicely, but my middle is still, let’s say, jolly. Climbing stairs has become my new workout routine, yet I still find myself looking a bit pregnant. It’s definitely not a body type you see represented in fashion magazines! After taking a quiz on body types, I think I discovered that my ideal outfits are either a poncho or perhaps a ghost costume!
The postpartum phase can be incredibly awkward, whether we admit it or not. Here’s a little anecdote from my life that’s become a common occurrence at this point:
While at work in the health center, a nurse I like but who can be quite blunt calls out to me, “Are you pregnant with number three? Trying to break a record?” My face turns beet red, and I respond, “Not pregnant—just a little fluffy!” But she doesn’t catch my response and continues asking about my supposed third child. I completely zone out, contemplating my escape route!
That was fun, right?
“Oh my goodness, Jamie! You look radiant!”
“Jamie, you’ve just had two kids!”
Oh please, save your compliments for someone who actually needs them.
The postpartum struggle is real! In the year after my second baby, I was congratulated on my “pregnancy” at least 30 times. Clearly, I’ve become a professional at navigating these situations. So, if you find yourself in the same boat, here are some witty comebacks to use when someone mistakenly thinks you’re expecting:
- Them: “When are you due?”
You: “I’m due for a coffee break at 3 p.m.” - Them: “How far along are you?”
You: “I’m 432 months old, thank you very much.” - Them: “Congratulations!”
You: “Thanks! I didn’t think I could finish that burrito, but I managed!” - Them: “Is it a boy or a girl?”
You: “It’s actually a gluten intolerance I developed during my two-year pregnancy marathon. So, enjoy!”
Ultimately, the wonderful smiles from my children make all the awkward moments worth it, even if they leave a few battle scars—both physical and emotional. I look at these interactions with humor and realize that it’s not worth stressing over.
I hope we can all embrace the post-baby body and celebrate our experiences rather than hide them. I delivered two hefty babies, and I wear that as a badge of honor!
For more fun insights and resources on navigating motherhood, check out this post or explore this amazing guide for extra tips. And if you’re looking for support, this resource on female infertility could be incredibly helpful.
Summary
This article is a humorous take on the awkward moments and unsolicited comments that come with pregnancy and postpartum experiences. It highlights how strangers can misjudge your body after childbirth and offers witty comebacks for those awkward interactions. Above all, it emphasizes embracing the changes that come with motherhood, finding humor in the journey, and wearing your experiences proudly.