We’ve officially stepped into the tween years in our home. Right now, my eldest daughter is off riding bikes with her friends, while my son is engrossed in a birthday party. Meanwhile, my youngest is down in the basement exploring his latest gadget. I haven’t been interrupted for hours, which means parenting has eased in some respects, but it has also become more challenging in others.
Every stage of motherhood brings its own set of adjustments, yet there’s something unique about this new tween era that caught me off guard. While the freedom of not being needed constantly is refreshing, it also brings a sense of loneliness. Once your kids learn to fend for themselves—making snacks and heading out solo—they do just that. Their growing independence is both a joy and a bittersweet reminder that they’re moving on.
As you transition from checking backpacks for forgotten snacks to monitoring their online activity, you start to grasp the truth behind that familiar saying: “The days are long, but the years are short.” What was once envisioned as relief now feels like an emptiness. This aspect of parenting—how to cope when your kids need you less—is rarely discussed.
How do we reconnect with ourselves as our children gain more independence? Unlike the abundant advice offered during the early years, guidance for the tween phase seems scarce. Perhaps it’s because many of us are still figuring it out.
We often become so familiar with our roles as mothers that we forget the other facets of our identity. Initially, I thought having another baby might fill the void, but I soon realized that I craved exploration of the parts of myself that had been laid aside. It was tough to accept, but I understand now that it’s perfectly okay to seek fulfillment beyond motherhood.
Here are some strategies that have helped me navigate this unexpected emptiness as my kids embrace their independence:
Releasing the Guilt
When my children are off at a friend’s house or playing outside without me, I relish the quiet. However, I initially felt guilty about enjoying these moments. After years of chaotic days, it felt strange to appreciate the peace. Wasn’t there something else I should be doing instead of indulging in a little me-time? I used to dream of these days, so it took time to let go of that guilt and embrace the stillness.
Granting Myself Time
Last fall, I found myself discussing my feelings with my husband. I was struggling as my kids seemed to mature overnight. They were navigating friendships and talking about crushes. Suddenly, they didn’t always want to spend time with me, and I felt lost. It was essential to give myself grace to adjust and learn from this new reality. I’m sure this phase will evolve, but that’s just part of the journey.
Nourishing My Soul
Women need to nurture their spirits. For some, this means carving out alone time to reflect, read, or meditate. Others might seek to strengthen friendships or volunteer. As my kids grow older, I find more opportunities to enjoy life without the constant worry of little hands getting into things they shouldn’t. At first, it felt strange to relish this newfound freedom, but I’m gradually embracing it.
Exploring New Hobbies
I’ve started pursuing interests I had shelved before becoming a mom. How can I teach my kids about resilience if I’m not willing to take risks myself? I’ve become one of those people who runs for fun. It’s been challenging, but I wanted this for myself. My kids cheer me on during races, and seeing them witness my joy has helped mitigate any nostalgia I feel for the younger days.
One day, my children will be fully independent. They won’t need me for snacks or homework checks. I will always be their mother, and they will remain my top priority, but as they grow, there will be a new space in my heart—one filled with a different kind of bond. It might take some time to adjust to this new dynamic, and that’s perfectly fine.
For more insights on navigating the journey of parenthood, you can check out this blog post. If you’re considering starting your family, Make A Mom offers excellent resources on artificial insemination kits. Additionally, the CDC provides valuable information about pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
As children transition into their tween years, parents often find themselves grappling with newfound independence and the void it creates. This article explores the emotional landscape of motherhood during this phase, offering strategies for reconnecting with oneself while navigating the challenges of parenting tweens. From releasing guilt to exploring new hobbies, the journey is about embracing change and finding joy in both motherhood and personal growth.