I can see the way you gaze at me with a hint of nostalgia. It’s clear you long for those carefree days before we welcomed our little ones into the world—those moments when we would snuggle in bed, binge-watching our favorite shows, just enjoying the time spent together.
I want you to know that I miss those days too.
I understand that you’ve been wearing a brave face while navigating this journey largely on your own. I recognize that I’ve withdrawn, and you’re missing your closest companion.
But I’m here to remind you that I’m still that person.
I sense that there’s a part of you that wishes I could stay home, take care of the house, and be present for you and the kids more. I’m grateful for the sacrifices our family has made to allow me to pursue my nursing career, and I don’t take it lightly.
I feel the distance between us, especially during those hectic mornings, at dinner when we’re too exhausted to converse, and at night when we lie side by side, pretending to sleep instead of connecting.
So, I ask you to be patient with me.
These past five years have been a whirlwind. We’ve navigated the complexities of planning our wedding, taken on the financial responsibilities of homeownership, and embraced parenthood. We’ve raised two spirited children who are destined to leave their mark on this world. We’ve supported each other through career challenges and the ups and downs of life.
We’ve endured so much together.
However, I know I’m not the partner you need me to be right now, and I can sense it taking a toll on you. The truth is I just can’t muster the energy to care for one more person—right now, that person needs to be me. I need you to be strong and let me focus on healing, or else our ship may capsize.
In these five years, I’ve been pregnant twice. Each time, my body has gone through a transformation, gaining and losing 40 pounds to nurture our children. I have the scars, the sagging skin, the gray hair, and a tired expression that no makeup can conceal. But I know, without a doubt, that you will always see me as beautiful, even when I struggle to see it myself.
Since becoming a mother, I’ve sought help from various doctors and therapists to address the physical toll that carrying our beautiful children has taken on my body. Regardless of what the future holds, including the possibility of surgery, I know you’ll stand by me, just as you always have.
My wardrobe now consists of maternity clothes and nursing tops, along with pants that either fit too snugly or hang too loosely. As my body gradually returns to its former shape, the thought of adding another child can be overwhelming, yet something deep within me still yearns for it. But I also know you will love me no matter what choices we make regarding our family.
With the challenges of pregnancy, sleepless nights, and the pressures of parenting, I often find myself caught between laughter and tears. Yet, I know you will always be there, offering a shoulder to cry on and understanding my emotional ups and downs.
These five years have been tough, but I wouldn’t want to share this journey with anyone else but you.
So, dear one, I want to reassure you that I’m committed to us for the long haul. It may not seem like it now, but there is no other place I would rather be than by your side. As our children grow and we move past this beautifully chaotic chapter of our lives, more time will open up for us.
I will have more of myself to give to you.
For now, I need to take the time to believe in myself as you already do. Please, continue to wait for me.
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Summary
This heartfelt letter acknowledges the struggles and sacrifices of a couple navigating the challenges of parenthood. The writer expresses longing for their past connection while emphasizing the importance of patience and self-care in maintaining their bond. It’s a reminder of love, commitment, and the hope for a brighter future together.