When I was freshly married, child-free, and in my early twenties, I had endless time to concoct dreamy visions of what parenting would be like. I pictured idyllic Saturdays spent at farmers’ markets, with my kids happily munching on organic veggies while we explored each vendor’s stand for the finest produce.
But then reality hit.
The first time we brought our son to a farmers’ market, he swiped a carrot from a vendor, took a bite, and shouted, “Yuck!” right in front of the bewildered seller. My rosy parenting fantasies came crashing down. Now, instead of daydreaming about perfect family outings, I’ve compiled a list of things I absolutely will not do for my kids.
1. Pay Full Price for Name-Brand Clothes.
I couldn’t care less about brand names and will not shell out money for an item simply because it has a logo on it. My parents had a similar approach, and guess what? I turned out just fine. In fact, it encouraged me to think outside the box and embrace a more independent mindset. If I find a name-brand piece on clearance or at a discount store, sure, I’ll consider it if my kids really need it (I’m not a total monster).
2. Join the PTA.
To all the amazing PTA parents: I respect what you do, but I simply can’t juggle work, writing, family, and then squeeze in PTA meetings to plan fundraisers. I’ll happily attend your events and indulge in some cookie dough, but don’t expect me to commit to any committees.
3. Let My Kids Join Every Activity.
Absolutely not! I refuse to fill our evenings with constant activities. If we don’t have at least two free nights a week, I become a hot mess, frantically searching for missing gear and resenting the never-ending list of chores. My rule is one activity at a time. I want my kids to learn how to prioritize and understand that they don’t need to be everything to everyone. Plus, let’s be honest: they probably won’t become the next superstar athlete or dancer, so traveling teams seem unnecessary.
4. Expect My Kids to Get Straight A’s.
Having taught high school English, I’ve seen students break down over a B. It’s heartbreaking that some kids feel they must achieve perfection to please their parents. I’ll encourage my kids to give their best effort; if that leads to a D, then so be it. Grades do not define a child’s worth or future success.
5. Pressure My Kids to Attend College.
My partner and I hold four college degrees between us, but I don’t believe college is the only path to success. Our kids understand that certain careers require higher education, but when the time comes for them to decide their future—whether it’s work, college, or travel—I want them to make a choice that aligns with their aspirations, not mine.
Every parent has a duty to nurture and support their children, which can sometimes involve making choices that challenge societal norms. It’s perfectly okay to establish boundaries that guide your parenting approach and help prevent your kids from growing up spoiled. As they mature, this list can evolve. Parents, don’t hesitate to stand firm—your kids won’t suffer if they wear shoes from a discount store or miss out on that traveling soccer team this summer.
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In summary, setting clear boundaries about what I won’t do for my kids helps create a structured environment where they can learn important life lessons.