I Want to Love and Be Loved Too: A Gay Man’s Journey with Adoption

self insemination kit

As an openly gay man in my early 50s looking to adopt, I’ve encountered my fair share of puzzled looks and probing questions. The most common inquiry? “Why?”

Why indeed? This question often comes with a tilt of the head and raised eyebrows, as if my desire to adopt needs a grand justification.

Since taking my first parenting class last summer, I’ve reflected on this question. Initially, I thought I needed a profound, compelling reason, but I’ve come to realize it’s quite simple: I want to love and be loved. Nothing more, nothing less.

I’m already the proud father of a son in his 20s who has just graduated from college. I understand the joys and challenges of parenthood—I know exactly what I’m getting into.

This was made clearer to me last year when a friend shared the news that he and his wife were expecting their third child. The reaction was filled with excitement and joy, with no one asking him “Why?” He didn’t have to justify his decision to expand his family or fill out endless forms or answer invasive questions.

He certainly didn’t face a barrage of friends with furrowed brows and raised eyebrows.

Why Do We Choose to Have Children?

But why do any of us choose to have children? We all know parenting is a demanding, often frustrating journey filled with challenges and expenses. So why do we pursue it? Are we seeking companionship, love, or a connection that lasts beyond our time here?

It seems that many believe gay men, lesbians, and others outside the traditional mold shouldn’t desire parenthood. They assume we’re too busy with our “lifestyles” or that we aren’t suited for the role of parent.

Seriously?

The LGBTQ+ community is made up of multifaceted individuals. Our lives encompass careers, friendships, hobbies, and yes, a desire to nurture and raise children. We contribute to society, uphold the law, and participate in community life. Many among us lead fulfilling lives and are eager to share our homes and hearts with children who need love.

My Personal Motivation

If I were to offer a compelling reason, it would stem from my own experiences of feeling let down by my parents, of facing life alone, and of being marginalized for being different. Children in foster care endure similar struggles, and I believe I’m equipped to help them navigate their challenges and emerge stronger. I want to guide them toward becoming emotionally and spiritually healthy adults.

I remember as a child daydreaming about someone coming to rescue me—walking through the door to reveal that I had been sent to the wrong family and that my real parent was out there, ready to take me away from the chaos of my childhood. I envision a home filled with love and acceptance, free from the pain of conflict and neglect.

I know there are children today—perhaps in Mississippi, where I reside—who are dreaming the same dream, waiting for someone to choose them. While I have my reasons, I believe the simplest answer is that I want to love and be loved, just like everyone else. I look forward to helping with homework, cheering at baseball games, and watching a child grow.

Facing Challenges

I recognize the challenges ahead, especially in a state where discrimination against gay individuals is legal, as seen with the recent passing of SB 1523, which allows the rejection of gay adoption applicants. My chances may be slim, but Mississippi is also home to a significant number of gay couples raising children.

Regardless of the outcome, I’ll be able to look in the mirror and say I tried.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the desire to adopt stems from a fundamental human need for connection and love. For those of us in the LGBTQ+ community, this yearning is just as strong and valid as it is for anyone else. If you’re interested in more insights on topics related to home insemination and parenting, feel free to check out this excellent resource.

For those exploring the journey of parenthood, Make a Mom offers comprehensive information on home insemination kits. Additionally, for support regarding female infertility, this resource is invaluable.