By: Jessica Reynolds
I grew up in a household where spanking was common. I remember the sting of an open palm on my backside, but nothing struck me quite like the last time I experienced it. My cousin and I were enjoying a game of Girl Talk when one of the dares led us to prank call someone. I picked up that old 1980s portable phone with its antenna and dialed a random number. An elderly woman answered. “Hello?” she asked. “Bye!” I retorted before hanging up, bursting into laughter with my cousin.
Little did we know about *69. Moments later, the phone rang again. “Hello?” I answered, only to hear a familiar voice on the other end. “I’d like to speak to your father, please.” It was the lady I had pranked. My father’s booming voice echoed through the house, furious. I handed him the phone, knowing I had made a terrible mistake.
He yelled at both of us, but I was the one who felt the sting of his hand as I walked past. The pain didn’t make me rethink my actions or feel remorse; instead, it made me bitter. I thought, “You can only hit me because you’re stronger.” Shame and resentment washed over me, and I vowed never to spank my own children.
Years went by, and I held onto that promise. When I became pregnant, I made it clear: my child would never face spanking. I shared my stance with friends and family; some applauded, while others scoffed, predicting I’d change my mind. But I stood my ground. I was committed to raising my child without physical punishment.
When I applied to become a foster parent, I found validation for my beliefs. They emphasized that corporal punishment was unacceptable. As others reacted with disbelief, I felt validated in my commitment to gentle parenting. I embraced positive parenting techniques, which encouraged time-outs, communication, and understanding. I felt empowered and ready to embrace this approach.
Then came my three boys. At ages 6, 4, and 2, our mornings could get chaotic. On a particularly messy day, as I tried to apply makeup amidst the noise, I heard happy screams that quickly turned frantic. My oldest came running, crying that his younger brother had bitten him.
In that moment, all the stress from the day ignited a fire of rage within me. “August! Get in here!” I yelled. To my surprise, he came. I reached for him, snatching him up by the arm and delivering a swift spank. His shocked cry echoed in the bathroom as he collapsed in tears. In an instant, I remembered my vow—I had just broken it.
Overwhelmed with guilt, I also recalled the advice that you should never spank out of anger. But if you’re not angry, what’s the purpose of hitting? I was furious when I struck August, and now, as the moment faded, I felt only sadness.
One of the principles of positive parenting is admitting when you’re wrong. I did this often, whether it was for yelling too much or rushing their meals. So, I knew I had to apologize, but I was unsure how to start.
“August, sweetie?” I knelt beside him, wrapping my arms around him. “I’m really sorry I hit you.” His eyes widened in disbelief. “You hit me, Mama!” he exclaimed, grappling with the reality that his mother had just hurt him.
“I did. I acted out of anger, and I’m truly sorry. I promise it won’t happen again,” I reassured him.
“Promise?” asked my oldest, who had witnessed the whole thing.
“I promise, sweetheart,” I affirmed.
However, once I crossed that line, it became a challenge to refrain from mentioning spanking again. My children reminded me of my pledge whenever I threatened them. “No hitting, Mama! You promised!” they would call out, holding me accountable.
I hope this time, I can remain true to my word.
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In summary, parenting is a journey filled with challenges and moments of self-reflection. It’s crucial to stay true to our values, even when faced with overwhelming emotions.