When I was pregnant with my daughter, I asked my 4-year-old son, “How do you feel about sharing your parents with a new sibling?” To my surprise, he answered, “Not good.” This response came from my sweet-hearted firstborn, who had been excited about having a sister ever since he learned the news. I tucked his response away for future reflection, realizing that while he had anticipated this new addition, he might also be processing the changes it would bring.
Once his sister arrived, she instantly became as much his as she was ours. He was captivated by her tiny features, gently caressing her cheeks and eagerly reading to her as she lay swaddled in her bassinet. It felt as though she had always been a part of our family, and he embraced his role as her big brother.
However, things took a turn once she began to cry, move, and assert her presence—often by grabbing his toys and declaring “No!” when things didn’t go her way. With her transformation into a spirited toddler came the occasional hitting and biting, leading to moments where I found myself pleading with him to share his toys and be patient.
Being the oldest must be challenging. I empathize with him as I see how he sometimes gets scolded for merely defending himself or wanting a moment of peace while building with Legos. His needs often take the backseat to hers, as her younger and louder demands can overshadow his own. He is frequently expected to be the mature one, even when it would be easier for him to throw a tantrum.
I can’t shake the guilt that creeps in when I witness those quiet moments—like when she curls up in my lap with her blanket, and I wonder if he misses those cozy morning cuddles. Does he reminisce about the five years he spent as the sole focus of our attention? Does he hold any resentment toward her? Yet, every time I see his pride in her achievements—like when she rode her bike without training wheels or learned to spell “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”—I realize that she is bringing him so much more than she takes away.
She inspires him, builds his confidence, and provides him with valuable life skills. The joy he experiences while helping her learn, laughing together over silly moments, and creating blanket forts outweighs any struggles they face. Plus, he still gets all the new bikes, which certainly helps balance things out a bit.
So, I choose to release that guilt. The bond they share is invaluable, and I’m grateful for the growth and joy that comes from their relationship. If you’re navigating similar feelings, there are resources that can be beneficial, such as Medical News Today’s fertility section for insights on family planning and growth. And if you’re curious about home insemination, check out Make a Mom’s CryoBaby kit for more information.
In the end, it’s all about embracing the journey of siblinghood, supporting each child’s needs, and cherishing the unique bond they share.