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Parenting in an Era of School Violence
One sunny afternoon, my 6-year-old son zooms into the living room, tablet in hand, completely oblivious to my earlier requests for him to brush his teeth. After asking three times, I can feel my patience wearing thin. Instead of raising my voice, I take a deep breath and silently count to three. Calmly, I remind him once more to put down the iPad and get ready for school. I maintain my composure, but beneath that calm exterior simmers a constant fear: what if this is the last time I get to say goodbye? Every day, I grapple with the unsettling notion that today could be the day—a day when an act of senseless violence tears my family apart.
Like countless parents, I will forever remember the horror of the Sandy Hook Elementary School tragedy, where a gunman took the lives of 20 children and six adults. I was at work, glued to my computer screen, feeling a wave of panic wash over me as I watched the events unfold. All I wanted was to rush to my daughter’s kindergarten class and pick up my son from daycare, never to let them out of my sight again. Prior to that day, I had always been a laid-back parent. I had no problem with them being away, but after December 14, 2012, everything changed.
I left work early, my eyes filled with tears, imagining the unthinkable—those innocent children, their faces haunting me. The idea that such young, innocent lives could be taken so brutally seemed incomprehensible, yet it had become all too real. By the end of that weekend, I was consumed with grief, researching home-schooling options, desperate to keep my kids safe. But with my job essential to our family’s livelihood, and knowing how much my children loved school and their friends, I ultimately chose to let them continue attending.
However, the fear didn’t vanish. It has woven itself into the fabric of my daily life, shaping my parenting approach. I never share these fears with my children, and while I don’t obsessively worry, there’s a persistent hum of anxiety in the background. I strive to be the Zen parent, channeling an inner calm each morning, determined to avoid negative interactions. My goal is to send them off to school with a clear understanding of my love, so that if the unimaginable were to happen, they’d know how much I cared.
Reflecting on that day, I recall a poignant story from a mother who lost her son, Ben. On the morning of the shooting, he had written “I love you” in the frost on her car window. This simple act brought her comfort amid her grief, and it inspired me to ensure my children leave each day enveloped in love.
If there’s a silver lining to this situation, it’s the knowledge that my kids understand they are cherished. In quieter moments, I recognize the odds of them experiencing such violence are slim. Yet, the legacy of that tragic day has shifted my approach to parenting, motivating me to foster a nurturing environment filled with love and patience. It’s disheartening to realize that my parenting is shaped by the actions of one disturbed individual, but here I am, doing what I think is best.
Do I have any solutions? Not really. The complex issues of gun control and mental health are beyond my ability to solve alone. All I can do is focus on what feels right for my family, ensuring my children feel my love as they head off to school each day.
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In summary, parenting today involves navigating fears and uncertainties that previous generations never faced. While the threat of violence lingers, our focus on love and understanding can help bridge the gap.