When my partner, Jake, and I first started dating, we lived in a city apartment where we were complete strangers to our neighbors. Sure, we had our share of annoyances—the guy who consistently took our parking spot and the loud neighbor who would drunkenly ring our doorbell at 2 a.m.—but overall, we kept to ourselves. We had friends, but not the kind you’d invite over for impromptu gatherings.
Once we bought our first house in a suburban area close to Jake’s new job, we were clueless about homeownership. Our attempts at landscaping and DIY projects amused our neighbors, who often came out to chuckle at our efforts (let’s just say our mulching skills were subpar). But, we still hadn’t formed a solid circle of friends to enjoy Margarita Fridays or Saturday game nights with.
That all shifted when our little ones arrived. Suddenly, the neighborhood felt alive with social opportunities. It was as if we had unlocked the door to a secret society filled with book clubs, jewelry parties, and cornhole tournaments. Our kids found playmates right next door, and we raised our glasses to new friendships every Friday night.
However, beneath the surface of our seemingly idyllic neighborhood, discontent simmered. Tensions over social invitations, gossip about a neighbor’s extravagant garage renovation, and debates over home sale prices revealed the need for some real neighborhood guidelines—beyond the sterile rules of homeowner associations. We needed a manifesto for our community.
Here are a few principles I’d suggest for our neighborhood manifesto:
- Popsicle Policy: I vow to keep my freezer stocked with popsicles and won’t bat an eye when your child requests one during the summer. And no fancy brands here; we keep it budget-friendly.
- Safety First: If I see your kid cycling sans helmet, I’ll shout, “Hey! Get back here and put that helmet on before you hurt yourself!”
- No Pressure Parties: I won’t take offense if you skip my jewelry, kitchen gadget, or essential oils party. In fact, let’s banish any gatherings that require neighbors to spend money on stuff they don’t want.
- Disaster Response: In the event of a natural calamity, I’ll assist your family however I can—whether it’s sending Jake to help with snow shoveling or bringing drinks for us to enjoy while we work.
- Vacation Help: I promise to grab your mail and newspaper while you’re away, and I won’t judge if I find overdue bills mixed in.
- Food Etiquette: If I bring food to a gathering, it will be store-bought, price tag intact. Chips will stay in their bags, dips will have lids, and desserts will proudly display their bakery origins—all served in red Solo cups.
- Beverage Readiness: I will always have coffee and wine on hand. If you’re having a tough day, I won’t blink when you prefer wine at 9 a.m.
- Dance Floor Commandments: When “Thriller” plays, you can count on me to bust out some moves and deliver that iconic evil laugh at the end. I also promise to stick to ’80s tunes and avoid music from 2000 onwards.
- Bus Stop Duties: The parents running the least late will handle bus stop duties, ensuring all kids are collected until the tardy ones arrive.
- Dog Etiquette: If your pooch does its business in someone’s yard, you’d better clean it up. If not, you might find yourself planning the annual block party!
- Food for Emergencies: In case of a family emergency, let’s skip the lasagna and go straight for the booze. Non-Italian food is always welcome.
- Zillow Stalking: When a neighbor lists their house, it’s fair game for the rest of us to look it up on Zillow and critique the decor.
- Game Night Rules: Our neighborhood game nights should include Cards Against Humanity, beer pong, and even strip poker—no Scrabble allowed!
- Invitation Assumptions: If you don’t get an invite to a gathering, assume I either forgot, was shy about the food situation, or thought you’d just show up. Don’t sulk—just come over!
- Pool Sharing: Treat your neighbors’ pools as you’d want yours treated; let’s keep them open to those without.
Being part of a neighborhood doesn’t have to resemble a scene from a movie. These guidelines could foster camaraderie and laughter. Add a monthly “Beer Fund” and a block party featuring live music, and I might just consider this place paradise!
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In summary, embracing our quirks and establishing friendly neighborhood rules can create a community that feels like home.