My partner, Mark, seems to have it all together, and honestly, it can be a bit frustrating. He’s the type who meticulously keeps track of everything—never misses a bill, remembers to replace the air filter, and his closet looks immaculate. There’s no stray food debris in his car, and he has an extraordinary memory. In short, he’s my polar opposite.
On the surface, I might appear organized, but in reality, my life resembles a chaotic store the day after a big sale. My laundry never seems to get done, my car is filled with leftovers that could feed a small nation, and I’m constantly juggling the demands of my teen and tween. To say I feel overwhelmed on most days would be an understatement.
Before becoming a parent, I was quite adept at navigating adult life—I maintained detailed lists, followed a consistent schedule for chores, and my car was always spotless. I even managed to put on makeup daily, and yoga pants meant I was actually going to exercise. My husband always came first in my priorities.
But somewhere between diaper changes and orthodontist appointments, I lost my grip on things. When we decided to start a family, my finances allowed me to become the primary caregiver, and I happily embraced the daily tasks of running our household, thinking my skills would easily translate into family management. My role at home would hold as much value as Mark’s work outside.
Initially, this plan worked well. However, as motherhood intensified, the chaos escalated—the Lego collections grew, tantrums disrupted dishwashing, and playdates threw off nap times. The constant demands of my children obliterated any semblance of order I once had. For someone who thrives on control, this loss felt like a catastrophic change. And let’s not even talk about the piles of laundry.
Fast forward thirteen years, and I still feel like I’m not pulling my weight. Mark excels at his responsibilities—providing for our family, remembering essential details like our mortgage and ensuring my car has enough fuel. He’s just as busy, if not busier, yet he never falls short for our family or me. When he walks into our home, which often looks like a battleground, guilt creeps in. Some days, I have to push aside the dishes to deal with insurance issues, and other days, laundry takes a back seat because of unforeseen pet mishaps. I’m in a constant battle and wish I could keep our family stocked with clean clothes more consistently.
Despite my struggles with daily parenting duties, I’m learning to be gentler with myself. My family always comes first, and thanks to my nursing background, I’ve honed the skill of prioritizing urgent matters. Everyone has what they need when they need it, even if it’s not planned out a week in advance, and that’s perfectly fine.
Marriage isn’t about achieving perfection or doing everything right. It’s about waking up each day and recognizing that your partner is giving their best effort. Mark understands that I strive to do my utmost from morning to night and often finds humor in my blunders. He never expects me to be flawless and never makes me feel inadequate. When he looks at me, even amidst the chaos of our home, I realize he loved me for who I am, not for my meticulous lists.
In every relationship, there’s usually one partner who acts as the glue, and I’m proud to take on that role. Glue can be messy and unpredictable, but it’s essential for fixing and holding things together. It can mask imperfections and restore even the most damaged items. So yes, I am the glue in our relationship—sticky and sometimes messy, but ultimately providing strength. And Mark is stuck with me, flaws and all.
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Summary:
In the whirlwind of parenting, Jessica reflects on her struggles with daily responsibilities compared to her seemingly perfect husband, Mark. Despite feeling overwhelmed and disorganized, she recognizes the importance of prioritizing family and embracing imperfections in marriage. Together, they navigate the ups and downs of family life, with Jessica finding strength in her role as the “glue” that holds everything together.