My community may not be the ideal collective I envisioned, but it’s the one I cherish, and I truly appreciate it. It includes parents and non-parents, lifelong friends and new acquaintances, and a delightful mix of ages. This year, we even welcomed a student from abroad. Some members of our community are happy to look after my kids while others might have homes that are a bit chaotic. I deeply value the diverse expressions of love surrounding us, especially directed toward my little ones. Their childless friends adore them as if they were their own, and their godparents cherish them just the same. We are undeniably fortunate.
However, as blissful as this community seems (I fall ill, and meals magically appear; I need a hand with chores, and help arrives), it’s crucial to establish some ground rules. While the notion of “It Takes a Village” suggests that children should be exposed to varied lifestyles, I believe it’s equally important to have certain expectations in place. Here are my nine essential guidelines:
- No Secrets with My Kids
Encouraging children to keep secrets from their parents can create a dangerous divide. It’s a practice that can lead to exploitation. I’m not implying that anyone has ill intentions, but asking kids to keep things “just between us” can pave the way for harmful situations. No “don’t tell Mom, but here’s some extra candy” — let’s not go there. - Protect Their Personal Space
We teach our children that they have the right to decide who can touch them and that they should also feel comfortable refusing to touch others. This means no demanding hugs or tickling after they say stop. If they express a desire for space, please respect it. This respect for their autonomy is vital for their safety. - Be Aware of Allergies
Every community must be conscious of dietary restrictions and allergies. My children have specific food intolerances, and exposure to the wrong food can lead to uncomfortable days. Please familiarize yourself with what they cannot eat, and if uncertain, stick to fruits. Additionally, my son is allergic to bees, and my partner is highly allergic to cats — so it’s best to keep the pets at a distance! - Mind Your Language
Kids are impressionable, and I’d prefer my toddler not to start using profanity. Please keep adult topics and inappropriate language to yourself. Moreover, it’s important not to speak negatively about others in front of my children; we want them to understand the value of kindness and respect. - Censor the Television
Like many parents, we have specific guidelines about what our kids can watch. I don’t want my 6-year-old exposed to inappropriate films or shows. If you’re in charge of the remote, please check with me first about acceptable viewing options to avoid any nightmares. - Respect Our Beliefs
Every family has deeply held beliefs regarding life and spirituality. Feel free to discuss these topics when my children are older, but for now, please refrain from presenting our beliefs as untrue or belittling them. We uphold liberal values and would prefer that you don’t share negative opinions that contradict our views. - Avoid Comparisons
Comments like “So-and-so can already ride a bike” can be discouraging for children. Such comparisons can breed insecurity, so let’s steer clear of them. Similarly, please don’t compare my kids to one another; it only creates tension and feelings of inadequacy. - Discipline Thoughtfully
Different families have varied approaches to discipline. In our home, corporal punishment is a no-go. If my kids misbehave, please employ gentle methods like time-outs or natural consequences. A calm and thoughtful approach works best for us. - Hold Them Accountable
This is where community truly shines. If my kids are acting up, don’t hesitate to remind them of their manners or the rules. Sometimes, hearing it from someone else can be more effective. If they misbehave, encourage them to apologize. We’re raising respectful individuals here.
I’m not a fan of setting rules, but these are necessary to ensure our community thrives and that my children grow up happy and healthy. Together, we can nurture wonderful individuals. For more insights on parenting and community support, check out this blog.
In conclusion, establishing these guidelines helps maintain harmony within our community, allowing us to support one another in raising kind and respectful children.