It all hinges on my morning wake-up call. Is it the jarring sound of an alarm clock (subtle annoyance), the sound of a child fussing before dawn (mild irritation), or my partner’s snoring (complete fury)? The way I emerge from sleep seems to dictate the day’s mood — or at least it used to, before I made some necessary changes.
Like many moms, I grapple with the usual challenges and fatigue. I strive to engage in self-care, breathe deeply, and stay positive. Yet, there are days when life overwhelms me, and my children can sense it.
Recently, I had an enlightening realization: I am the one who sets the emotional tone in our home. Not my partner, not our spirited eldest child, nor our outspoken toddler or our picky middle child. It all comes down to me— and I wasn’t doing a great job of it. Sure, I ensured they had meals and clean clothes, but my attitude? It was lacking.
I had seen references in various books and articles about a mother’s significant role in her children’s emotional health. I often brushed it off, thinking that since I had been emotionally stable before motherhood, I didn’t fit that narrative.
I kept thinking, “It’s 2016— surely the emotional well-being of the household isn’t solely my responsibility.” With an education and aspirations beyond being a mom, shouldn’t half of that load fall to my partner?
Ideally, yes. But in our reality, no. It took me a while to accept this, but as the mother, I carry the lion’s share of that responsibility. Despite our progress in gender equality, my kids can pick up on my emotional state, which influences their behavior— positively or negatively. It’s a profound connection that transcends words; it’s an unspoken understanding. Just as I can feel when one of my kids is off, they can sense when I’m not okay.
When I’m irritable, they follow suit. When I’m cheerful, so are they. When I’m stressed, they can turn into little whirlwinds. And they’re quick to notice if I’m pretending everything is fine when it’s not. No pressure, right?
For years, I pushed this understanding aside, focusing solely on survival. As we navigated our days, I noticed a clear pattern: on days when I was sleep-deprived from tending to a fussy baby, my toddler seemed determined to test my patience. Conversely, when I was well-rested and in a good mood, my kids appeared more relaxed. It was clear that everything connected back to me.
My emotional health is deeply intertwined with my children’s well-being; my feelings shape my parenting style, my family interactions, and ultimately, my kids’ experiences. They observe me closely and imitate my reactions. Realizing this prompted me to take action to better myself.
It took some effort, but I discovered a way to regain my balance. I began working part-time, allowing me a break from motherhood and a chance to engage with my intellect. I joined a gym that offered childcare. I made it a priority to check in with myself daily, ensuring I was attuned to my own needs. Sometimes, as mothers, we forget that we are individuals too.
Taking accountability for one’s self is challenging. It’s easy to identify your partner’s shortcomings (and there are many!) and to shift the blame onto them while making excuses for your own behavior. However, part of adulthood is being able to confront the person in the mirror. If I wanted a joyful, healthy home, the journey had to start with me. Relying on my partner or kids to create that environment wasn’t working. They play their roles, but it all begins with me.
When I found my center, they mirrored my steadiness. A positive ripple effect ensued. It’s eye-opening to realize just how much my mood can affect my entire family. It’s amusing that I can demonstrate countless physical behaviors (like putting laundry in the basket) and no one seems to pay attention, but when it comes to attitudes… that energy is contagious.
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In conclusion, my journey to establish a positive emotional atmosphere for my children has proven to be a transformative experience. By taking responsibility for my emotional state, I discovered that my well-being directly influences my family’s happiness.