Recently, my sister’s partner surprised me with a vibrant sign featuring the familiar phrase, “Good moms have sticky floors, dirty ovens, and happy children.” I couldn’t help but chuckle, remarking that my floors aren’t sticky, nor is my oven dirty—so what did he mean? He stumbled through an explanation, clearly not intending any offense. “Oh, no! Your home is spotless… really spotless. I just thought the sign was interesting.” Nice try, buddy.
You’ve probably seen similar quotes plastered all over Pinterest: “Excuse the mess. My children are making memories.” They’re on cushions, mugs, and decorative signs meant to showcase your family’s delightful chaos—if you have the time to actually hang one up.
While I know my sister’s partner meant well, his gift stirred something within me. As a mother of two lively girls who often leave a trail of toys in their wake, I want to clarify why I disagree with this notion. My house is generally in order; toys are picked up, bathrooms are scrubbed, and I wouldn’t feel embarrassed if a friend dropped by unexpectedly. Spoiler alert: the floors might even be clean.
It’s essential to understand that motherhood encompasses much more than just playing with kids—though I absolutely cherish those moments of building blocks or hosting tea parties. I’m not here to cater to my toddler’s every whim; she lives in my world, which includes chores.
This popular saying seems to suggest that a devoted mother prioritizes playtime over household tasks. Laundry piles and sticky floors take a backseat to the fun of hide-and-seek or puzzle pieces. Yes, childhood is fleeting, and laundry can wait—up to a point.
On the flip side, if a mother maintains a tidy home, she’s often painted as neglectful. If she manages to wash the dishes while her child plays or mops the floor during lunch, she’s doing it all wrong. Her priorities are skewed, and surely her kids must be miserable. Who does she think she is?
If our children’s happiness is the sole measure of good motherhood, we have serious issues. The moments I feel most accomplished as a parent are often the same times my toddler might disagree entirely.
I don’t clean because I want to be a boring, joyless mom. I clean because I aim to teach my daughters about the value of hard work. They need to see that maintaining a home requires effort, not just wishful thinking. Unfortunately, cobwebs and dirty dishes don’t vanish during a fun game of pat-a-cake.
Managing a household demands discipline, intention, and sacrifice. We strive to make chores enjoyable. We blast music, compete to see who can pick up the most toys in a minute, twirl while dusting, and sing while folding laundry. If I want my girls to chase their dreams—whether that’s motherhood, teaching, or even something like being a lawyer—they need to see the importance of hard work in action.
Moreover, I want them to recognize that the world doesn’t revolve around them, nor does it revolve around me. While they motivate me every day, they are not the reason for my entire existence. Of course, I want them to look back on their childhood filled with laughter and adventure, but I also believe a great mom allows her children the freedom to play independently. They need to explore, grow, and imagine without my constant oversight.
Ultimately, does it really matter if my house is clean? Nope. I can be a fantastic mother with a spotless home just as easily as someone can be a less-than-stellar mom with a chaotic one. What truly counts is the life lessons we impart through our daily routines, whether that involves mopping sticky floors or cleaning an oven—even if that momentary discomfort makes our kids unhappy.
In the end, we need to reflect on what we’re teaching our children. If we prioritize their entertainment above our responsibilities, what message does that send? Conversely, if we focus solely on maintaining a pristine environment at the expense of quality time, what are we modeling? It’s the everyday, mundane tasks that carry life lessons worth teaching.
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Summary
Good motherhood isn’t defined by a clean home or the absence of mess; it’s about teaching children important life lessons through our actions. Balancing household responsibilities with joyful playtime fosters independence and a strong work ethic in children. While we all want to create happy memories, it’s essential to model responsibility and hard work, ensuring our kids understand that life involves both fun and tasks that need to be done.