Over the weekend, while I was bathing my son, we had a delightful chat about Disney’s Robin Hood. He mentioned how much he enjoyed the film, except for the ending when the main characters share a kiss and get married.
“Ya know, you might want to get married someday…” I suggested.
His response was thoughtful, “I might want to marry a boy.”
“You can absolutely do that,” I assured him. “Boys can marry boys, and girls can marry girls.”
“That’s right! The most important thing is to marry someone you love.”
I’ll pause there before he starts expressing his dreams of marrying Mommy and a few friends from kindergarten.
What struck me is how children, like my son, are free from the biases that adults often carry. They don’t see one group as superior to another. Kids don’t think about limiting anyone’s opportunities based on who they are or who they love. For instance, my son hasn’t expressed any negative views about the lesbian couple in Finding Dory, nor has Elsa’s story impacted him negatively—except for a brief obsession with a certain song that shall remain nameless.
The biases that do exist in children often come from us—their parents and guardians. They learn from observing our behaviors, adopting our beliefs, and even internalizing the language we use. This is why the words we choose are so significant.
Today, I want to focus on the word “tolerance.” While it may seem harmless, it carries a heavy weight of negativity. To tolerate something suggests a sense of superiority and implies that one must endure something unpleasant. When discussing diversity—whether it’s related to the LGBTQ+ community, ethnic differences, or various genders—the concept of tolerance can be tainted with negativity.
We shouldn’t be teaching our children to merely tolerate differences. Instead, we should be encouraging them to embrace and celebrate diversity, both in others and themselves.
Using “tolerate” instead of “accept” may not be hate speech, but it can still be harmful. This seemingly innocuous word can mask underlying condescension and perpetuate discrimination. It has the potential to disguise hatred and provides an illusion of inclusivity while allowing for excuses for less than kind sentiments. Language that is meant to be enlightened can inadvertently poison discussions and communities if it isn’t carefully chosen.
During my conversation with my son, I recognized his innocence and wanted to nurture it. I was mindful of my language because I knew the impact our words can have on children. I strive to teach my sons that it’s not enough to simply “be okay” with people who are different. We must fully accept others for who they are, without any reservations—even when faced with those who may not extend the same courtesy.
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In summary, we need to shift our focus from tolerance to acceptance, promoting a culture of love and understanding for all individuals. By doing so, we foster an environment where diversity is celebrated rather than merely tolerated.