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How My Meticulously Planned Summer Getaway Went Awry
by Emma Hughes
Updated: May 27, 2021
Originally Published: June 30, 2016
Dear Diary,
Hooray! The kids are finally out of school, and the summer break has kicked off. Ten glorious weeks without those pesky alarm clocks, endless homework battles, and that frantic dash to the bus stop while clutching a forgotten lunchbox, all while wrapped in a bathrobe that offers little support and sporting unkempt leg hair.
This summer, we’re going old-school—no screens, no gadgets—just me, my kids, and a minivan ready for adventure. I’ve spent weeks curating our daily activities, scouring Pinterest for imaginative ways to ensure our days are brimming with summer fun.
One suggestion from Pinterest was to keep a summer journal, as these moments with my kids seem to fly by in the blink of an eye. I can’t quite recall past summers, much like how people forget moments before a near-miss car accident or a horror movie chase scene.
Week 1
We kicked off our summer at the zoo, joining what felt like 99% of the population on a quest for the ultimate summer experience. We were herded in like cattle from the parking lot, navigating the stroller traffic and bottlenecking in the gift shop (the only air-conditioned spot in a 200-acre radius), while squinting as we ventured outside into a sensory overload of monkey business and sweltering sun.
“What a fantastic day for the zoo!” I exclaimed to a fellow parent, perhaps with a tad too much enthusiasm. “I’m thrilled that summer is finally here!”
“Yeah!” She replied, her smile seeming a bit forced for someone who should be enjoying the day.
Week 2
Out of the 90 Pinterest ideas I gathered, my kids shot down almost all of them. I was baffled. Who wouldn’t want to create a puppet show based on West Side Story, form a foot massage chain, or take a tour of the local light bulb factory? It appears my kids have a unique definition of fun. Back to brainstorming!
Week 3
I’ve officially run out of Pinterest inspiration. Given the circumstances, I decided to lift my ban on electronics. I just need a moment to breathe and regroup while I figure out new activities. Plus, electronics provide a much-needed break from the endless bickering. Honestly, it’s like they revel in driving me to the edge! Oh, and I picked up a new habit. Thank goodness we have a vacation planned for next week!
Week 4
The word “vacation” has taken on an entirely new meaning since becoming a parent. It’s more of a “trip,” “chaos,” or “HEY HONEY, SINCE I DID ALL THE PLANNING, CAN YOU GET OUT OF YOUR BEACH CHAIR LONG ENOUGH TO HELP ME WITH THIS UMBRELLA? NO, I’M NOT ON MY PERIOD; WHY DO YOU ALWAYS GO THERE?!”
Week 5
My children have turned against me. It’s become a contest for them to discover new ways to push my buttons. They complain about boredom while rejecting every single idea I offer, stand in front of a packed fridge whining there’s nothing to eat, and even announced, “Mommy’s pooping!” out the window to our neighbors walking their dogs.
Week 6
Eureka! I had the brilliant idea of sending them to two weeks of sleepaway camp! I adored it as a child. Why didn’t I think of this sooner? Of course, at this late stage in summer, all the good camps were fully booked, so I settled for the only one available—circus camp. As it turns out, the kids had to fill out W-2s before they could even start grooming the “yak lady.”
Week 7
I miss my kids—two weeks is too long! I can’t wait to kiss their little faces. What was so bad about summer, anyway?
Week 8
My kids are little monsters! When my sisters and I were children, my mom would take us to our 9 a.m. swim lessons. Upon arrival, she’d hand us a dollar to buy a candy bar and a Coke for lunch and a quarter to call her when the pool closed at 6. If we called before then, she’d simply ask, “Is there blood? No? I’ll be there at 6,” before hanging up. Looking back, I thought she was crazy; now, I think she should run for president!
Week 9
stares blankly at the calendar
Week 10
I made it! This week, I took the kids shopping for school supplies, and it felt like Christmas morning. Parents flocked to the big box stores, finally able to exhale while comparing prices on loose-leaf paper. I spotted the woman from the zoo, and she approached me with tear-filled eyes.
“We did it,” she whispered, shaking me lightly. “We made it through.”
“I know,” I replied, wiping my own tears. “Want to come over next week and do a West Side Story puppet show? I’ve got everything we need.”
In conclusion, summer can be a whirlwind of unexpected turns, but it’s also a time for laughter, learning, and making memories. If you’re navigating your own parenting journey, you might find useful insights and resources on home insemination at this link and this one, as well as helpful information on pregnancy at Healthline.