It was just my 18-year-old daughter and me, lounging together on the couch, lost in the haze of mindless television, when I impulsively posed the question. With her college departure looming, I felt a pressing need for some acknowledgment of my 18 years of parenting. Although the inquiry carried significant weight and I anticipated her response would be laced with sarcasm, I decided to take the plunge anyway.
I grasped her hand, locked eyes with her, and boldly asked, “Did you have a happy childhood?”
“What? Seriously, Mom? What kind of question is that?” A grin spread across her face, revealing her amusement.
“I just need to know,” I insisted.
“Well, don’t even think twice about it. Absolutely, I had a happy childhood! This is such a silly question. Why are you asking me this now? And why do you doubt yourself so much?” she replied, her tone a mix of disbelief and concern.
She was right; I was questioning myself again. I was asking because I finally believed she was old enough to give me an honest answer. After all, you can’t turn to your 3-year-old and say, “How am I doing as your mom?” Your tween would likely roll their eyes and walk away, while a moody high-schooler might respond with a dismissive grunt. But a young adult on the brink of independence? They can finally be sincere and straightforward.
For the first time, I truly believed her, yet I was taken aback that she didn’t recognize my self-doubt. After all, she had lived through every mothering mishap imaginable during her 18 years under my roof. She had seen me at my worst, heard me cry out, “I can’t do this anymore!” and witnessed countless moments of frustration directed at her younger siblings. As the eldest, she was the test case for our parenting—each decision was uncharted territory.
“Mom?” she said, “Did you catch what I said? My childhood? You did great, Mom.”
Instead of diving into my feelings of inadequacy or explaining why I even asked her in the first place, I chose to bask in her words. They washed away nearly two decades of confusion, replacing it with a comforting affirmation: “You did great, Mom.”
That moment? The one where you finally feel appreciated for all your hard work? Trust me, it’s on the horizon. But don’t wait 18 years for it. Even if your kids don’t always express it, take a moment to recognize the kind-hearted individuals they are becoming. You are truly doing an amazing job.
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Summary:
In a heartfelt moment, a mother seeks validation from her soon-to-be college-bound daughter, asking if she had a happy childhood. The daughter reassures her that she did, bringing a sense of relief and appreciation to the mother who has often doubted her parenting. This moment illustrates that acknowledgment and appreciation can come at unexpected times, encouraging parents to recognize the positive growth in their children.