Our eldest daughter, whom we affectionately refer to as Stella, has always been musically inclined. I know many parents claim their children possess musical talent, but Stella is something special. She can pick up nearly any instrument and, within moments, produce a recognizable tune. As a young child, she would effortlessly harmonize with the lullabies I sang, and she even composed beautiful melodies on the piano without any formal instruction.
At the age of 6, Stella expressed a desire to learn the violin, inspired by her best friend. After just one lesson, her teacher pulled me aside, awestruck, and remarked, “It’s like she was born with a bow in her hand. I rarely see students with such natural talent.” I wasn’t exaggerating—her skill was remarkable.
For six years, Stella attended weekly violin lessons. We switched teachers early on when we realized the first one wasn’t a good match, and she thrived with the new one. Although she enjoyed making music, she never took to practicing. By her fifth year, despite mastering significant pieces quickly, the violin began to feel like a chore. She resisted practice time, wanting to play only when the mood struck her. It turned into a struggle to encourage her to practice, even minimally. After several breaks that didn’t help, she expressed a clear desire to quit.
We attempted to talk her through what we believed were normal pre-teen feelings. We discussed how many adults regret stopping their music lessons as kids, emphasized the importance of repetition and skill development, and acknowledged her need for greater effort as she advanced. We tried different genres and allowed her to choose her own pieces, but nothing worked.
Ultimately, we recognized that her passion for music was fading, so we made the difficult decision to let her quit. After countless hours of her dedication and significant financial investment on our part, we decided to stop the lessons and the pressure to practice. We held onto her violin, hoping she might one day return to it on her own terms, but we were uncertain if we had made the right call.
For a year, Stella hardly touched the violin. In the second year, she dabbled with some Irish fiddle music and revisited a few classical pieces. Then, three years after her hiatus, she surprised us by saying, “I kind of miss playing the violin. I wish I hadn’t quit.”
Her new motivation for picking it up again stemmed from her aspirations for college and the potential for a music scholarship. Having relocated since she stopped playing, we found her a new teacher, and after a few months of lessons, it was clear that she was flourishing. Although she still isn’t a fan of practice, she is rediscovering her love for music.
Navigating decisions for our children can be challenging, especially when it comes to letting them take charge of their paths. Many parents face similar dilemmas in various activities, whether it be sports or the arts. At the time, we were bombarded with questions fueled by anxiety: Were we allowing her to take a necessary break or giving up too soon? What if she resented us in the future for letting her quit? Would those six years of effort and expense be in vain if she never returned to the violin?
In the end, we chose to trust Stella. We prioritized our relationship with her and her connection to music over pushing her into something she was beginning to dislike. We recognized that if she was to pursue music further, it had to come from her own enthusiasm. So, we took a step back, believing she would come back if it was truly meant to be—and she did.
Not all children return to their passions after stepping away, and that’s okay. It was essential for us to acknowledge the significance of her decision and the necessity for her to face the consequences. I’m grateful we empowered her choice and kept the door open for her to revisit the violin when she was ready. Even if she had chosen not to return, I believe we handled it well.
Recently, she performed for the first time in four years, and naturally, she did wonderfully. We were thrilled not just by her performance but by the fact that she took charge of her musical journey. She stepped away when she needed to and listened to her heart when it was time to play again.
For anyone navigating similar parenting challenges, consider checking out this informative blog on home insemination and its practical aspects. If you’re interested in understanding more about fertility journeys, this resource offers valuable insights. Additionally, ASRM provides excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination that could be helpful.
In summary, allowing our daughter to step away from music lessons turned out to be the right choice. By trusting her instincts, we fostered her independence and ultimately saw her return to a passion that she could pursue on her own terms.