I nursed in stores, parks, and eateries. I even nursed while walking with her in a baby carrier. I figured out how to nurse while leaning over her car seat (only when the car was parked, of course!). Remarkably, I never drew any attention or disapproving looks while nursing without a cover. Living in a suburb of New York City where public breastfeeding isn’t too common, I felt fortunate to avoid harassment. It simply didn’t cross my mind.
A Turning Point
However, everything changed one summer afternoon when we took a trip upstate when she was six months old. We found ourselves at a Subway restaurant, and while waiting for our sandwiches, my daughter needed to nurse. In my usual manner, I lifted my shirt to feed her, seated in a booth towards the back, where my breast and baby were quite discreet.
Suddenly, an employee called across the restaurant, “Excuse me, ma’am, you can’t do that here.”
I was taken aback, genuinely unsure of what she meant. “What do you mean?” I replied.
The employee continued, “I’ve nursed my kids too, but you can’t do that here. You should go to the restroom if you want to continue. People are eating.” She gestured toward the only other patron, his back to us. “That’s indecent exposure,” she added.
In that moment, I was at a loss for words. I managed to mention my legal right to breastfeed, but she insisted it was “indecent.” So, like many women in similar situations, I felt violated and decided to leave.
The Aftermath
That incident happened over eight years ago, but I can still feel the sting of her words and the fear that coursed through me. Despite being fully dressed, her accusations made me feel exposed, as if the world were watching. I still feel a tinge of embarrassment telling this story—not for what happened, but for what I wish I had done differently.
Yes, I wrote to Subway and received an apology from the owner, who promised to educate his staff about a mother’s right to nurse. I even got a coupon for some free sandwiches. Yet, despite having support from family and friends, I never felt entirely comfortable breastfeeding in public again.
The innocence I had before that day vanished. I became hyper-aware of my surroundings, my clothing, and how much of my body might be visible when my baby unlatched. After this experience, I became a breastfeeding counselor and later a board-certified lactation consultant (IBCLC). I often discuss how our culture has distorted the perception of breasts, sexualizing them to the point that breastfeeding is often deemed inappropriate.
Changing the Narrative
I could share that 49 out of 50 states have laws protecting women’s rights to breastfeed in public, and that there’s a pressing need for enforceable consequences for those who violate these laws. Women face harassment daily while nursing, and many simply choose not to breastfeed in public due to the vulnerability they feel.
Some mothers persist despite the challenges; others may choose to use covers, pump milk, or wean their babies earlier than they would have liked. As a lactation consultant, I never pressure a mother to breastfeed in public or dictate whether she should use a cover. Maintaining the ability to nurse outside the home is crucial, but I understand the emotional complexity surrounding a woman’s body, shame, and exposure.
I wish I could assure mothers that public breastfeeding would be accepted without issue, and most likely, it would be. However, the reality remains that women are at risk of harassment, and we have much work to do to change this narrative. It transcends the act of breastfeeding; it’s a matter of dignity and human rights—how we treat mothers, children, and families.
In 2016, it’s unacceptable that women must hesitate before simply lifting their shirts to nourish their babies. Yet, they do. Change is essential.
Further Resources
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Conclusion
In summary, public breastfeeding should be a normalized and celebrated part of motherhood, free from shame and harassment. By fostering support and awareness, we can create a more accepting environment for nursing mothers everywhere.