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Attention, Parents: Kids Have an Incredible Gift for Forgiveness
When my son, Max, was just 4 years old, he encountered a wild situation. His best buddy, Jake, punched him in the face and snagged his string cheese. Just moments later, there they were, giggling and playing together as if nothing had happened. I couldn’t help but wonder how my little guy, with his bright red hair, could so easily overlook that incident.
Jake wasn’t a habitual offender; in fact, this was their first real altercation. But still, I thought to myself, if someone had done that to me, I’d probably need a lawyer and a restraining order to move on! No way would I be playing superheroes just ten minutes later.
But here’s the remarkable thing about my children: they have an extraordinary capacity for forgiveness. Now that Max is 9, I’ve never seen him hold a grudge—at least, not in any visible way. I also have two daughters, Lily, who is 6, and Emma, who is just 2. They, too, seem to let go of grievances quickly. Sure, they’ve had their moments. Max and Lily have expressed their displeasure when I’ve taken away a tablet or canceled a playdate due to chores. I’ve watched little Emma yank Lily’s hair and pop her birthday balloon, only to see them cuddled up watching cartoons together later.
Perhaps this is just unique to my kids. I can’t speak for all children under 10, but I know that eventually, they will learn the art of holding grudges, just as I did. It’s hard to pinpoint when that transformation occurs because I can’t recall the exact moment I learned to harbor resentment.
I dedicate a lot of time to teaching my kids essential life skills—from basic hygiene to reading. But I rarely stop to consider what they might be teaching me. Their ability to forgive—quickly and effortlessly—makes me realize there’s so much I can learn from them.
At 33, I’ve witnessed people cling to grudges for years, leading to estranged siblings and lifetime feuds over trivial matters. While there are certainly situations that might be deemed unforgivable, I believe most grievances can be resolved. Kids seem to innately understand this, prioritizing their joy over past conflicts. Reflecting on the countless moments lost due to stubbornness, I wish I could emulate my children’s forgiving nature.
Now, don’t get me wrong—if someone strolled into my home, punched me, and stole my string cheese, I wouldn’t be so quick to forgive. However, the concept of “learning to forgive” is often misguided; forgiveness is something we’re born with. Somewhere along the line, we learn how to hold onto grudges, and it’s high time we unlearn that behavior.
Take that day when Jake punched Max. It could have turned sour, but instead, they spent hours playing and laughing together. They continued that every week until we moved away. It’s amazing how much joy can be experienced by simply letting go of past grievances. This reflection also leads me to think about my older brother. We haven’t spoken in almost a year. As kids, we were inseparable, but somewhere along the way, we learned to drift apart—our differing views on politics and religion driving a wedge between us. It’s disheartening to think of the moments we’ve lost due to this.
I don’t have the solution to mend our relationship, but I understand it requires mutual forgiveness—just like my children practice. I plan on reaching out to him again soon. If he answers, I’ll apologize. If you find yourself estranged from someone you care about, take a page from your kids’ book. Observe their quickness to forgive and consider trying to adopt that mindset yourself.
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Summary
Children have an incredible ability to forgive swiftly and without hesitation, often providing valuable lessons to their parents about letting go of grudges. As adults, we sometimes forget this innate skill, holding onto resentment that can prevent us from experiencing joy. Learning to forgive, as our children do, can improve our relationships and enhance our lives.