Whenever I come across discussions surrounding extended breastfeeding—or even nursing beyond six months—I often see comments suggesting that at some point, breastfeeding is “just for the mother.” This notion is not only frustrating, but it also warrants a serious conversation.
The underlying implication in these comments is that there’s something inappropriate about an older child nursing from their mother. It’s as if mothers who choose to breastfeed longer are somehow odd or misguided. Unfortunately, it’s not just online critics who share these views. Many mothers receive unsolicited advice from pediatricians who claim that breast milk loses its nutritional value after 12 months. They hear from family members, like grandmothers, expressing concerns that continuing to breastfeed is stifling the child. Even partners may suggest that breasts are meant for intimacy, not for nurturing.
I come from a family that supports breastfeeding, yet I faced pressure to stop nighttime feedings with my first child before I was ready. I was told that I was limiting my own freedom by being “tied down” to my nursing toddler. It was challenging to navigate the criticism, and I felt ashamed for wanting to continue breastfeeding.
There are already numerous challenges that make it difficult for mothers to breastfeed as long as they desire—such as limited maternity leave and a lack of emotional support. Women should be empowered to choose how long they would like to breastfeed, whether that’s a few weeks or several years. Respecting the choices of those who may not breastfeed at all or face difficulties is equally important.
However, when shame is introduced into the conversation, it undermines a mother’s ability to make her own choices about breastfeeding. Suggesting that a mother is selfish for wanting to continue nurturing her child beyond a certain age is not only misguided but also devalues the experiences of women, mothers, and children.
Most people agree that breast milk offers benefits for babies, and many will acknowledge that it remains beneficial for toddlers as well. But let’s be clear: breastfeeding also benefits mothers. It’s not merely a sacrifice they make for their children; it provides emotional and physical advantages too.
Breastfeeding has numerous long-term health benefits for mothers, including a lower risk of breast cancer, diabetes, heart disease, and rheumatoid arthritis. For many mothers, breastfeeding fosters a natural bond with their babies and toddlers, enhancing their confidence as caregivers. In fact, many women come to appreciate their bodies through the experience of breastfeeding.
So, why do some view extended nursing as a sign of selfishness? One common misconception is that long-term breastfeeding keeps children in a “baby” state for the mother’s own emotional fulfillment. While some mothers may have their own struggles, it’s essential to recognize that nursing a child cannot force them to remain dependent. Toddlers are curious explorers who will only nurse if they want or need to.
Additionally, there’s a misconception that breastfeeding is somehow sexual. While nursing can be pleasurable for both mother and child, it’s crucial to understand that this pleasure is not sexual in nature. The hormone oxytocin, often referred to as “the love hormone,” plays a significant role in the bonding experience during breastfeeding, creating feelings of calm and bliss. Breasts can serve both nurturing and intimate purposes, and there’s no conflict in that dual role.
As a society, we grapple with the complexities surrounding breastfeeding, sexuality, and maternal nurturing. Many individuals lack understanding of how breastfeeding relationships work—filled with love, negotiation, and growth. As a lactation consultant, I often hear from mothers who feel pressured to wean by family and friends. Yet, these mothers, fueled by instinct and hormones, often do not share the discomfort.
Mothers should have the autonomy to decide when they want to stop breastfeeding, free from societal pressure or judgment. Ending the stigma around extended nursing is a matter of women’s rights and personal choice—an essential aspect of feminism. Women deserve support in their decisions about how they choose to nurture their children.
For more insight on choices surrounding parenting and health, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination. If you’re interested in enhancing fertility, you might also want to look into this fertility booster for men.
In conclusion, it’s time to move past the outdated beliefs surrounding extended breastfeeding. Mothers should feel empowered by their choices and supported in their journeys.