As mothers, we often find ourselves in a cycle of saying “no.” No to snacks, no to late-night outings, and no to personal time. We create excuses to hunker down at home in our pajamas on chilly days, and we decline committee work because, let’s face it, who has time to plan a school carnival? Our partners might hear “no” in the bedroom more frequently than they desire, often due to our exhaustion or insecurities about our bodies. We even forgo exercise, blaming our children’s busy schedules.
Every day, we tell our kids “no” when they climb too high on the jungle gym or when we steer them away from friends whose parents we might not mesh with. If you’re an introvert like me, you might even turn down invitations for playdates because socializing can feel overwhelming. It seems that “no” has become our default response.
But what if we flipped the script? What if, instead of always saying “no,” we allowed ourselves to say “yes” more often?
Reflecting on my early days as a mother, I poured every ounce of energy into ensuring my children were happy and healthy. After countless midnight feedings, hours spent molding playdough, and coaxing toddlers into eating something other than blueberries, I realized I had neglected myself. A glance in the mirror revealed a tired woman I barely recognized, with dark circles under her eyes and a body that had clearly taken a backseat to parenting duties.
That moment was pivotal. I realized I had been telling myself “no” for far too long. I decided it was time to prioritize myself. I began to reassess my “noes.” I told myself “no” to waking up with the kids on Saturday mornings, choosing instead to say “yes” to a run (albeit a brisk walk that had my neighbors raising their eyebrows). I skipped bath time to attend a spin class with friends. My “noes” still existed, but I stopped directing them at myself. Remarkably, I shed 30 pounds of baby weight just by embracing my needs.
Women, especially mothers, often feel compelled to be the caretakers and problem-solvers. Our families rely on us to manage everything from dinner to finding soccer cleats. This constant chaos often leaves little room for personal reflection, let alone pursuing new opportunities.
A friend of mine recently took a leap and applied for a new job. Despite initial doubts about balancing it all with her busy family life, she chose to say “yes” to the challenge, realizing it was an opportunity she had longed for. This decision empowered her, and she even treated herself to a shopping spree for new clothes—a well-deserved reward!
Saying “yes” doesn’t mean we neglect our responsibilities as mothers or offload them onto others. It’s a mindset shift, a way to acknowledge that we are deserving of our own goals and dreams. Yes can be daunting but incredibly rewarding. I remind myself that even if my dream that day is simply to enjoy a quiet cup of coffee alone, it’s valid.
While I’m committed to saying “yes” more often, I will always maintain my “no” to the music of Justin Bieber. Because, really, no.
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In summary, it’s time to embrace a “yes” mindset, allowing us to focus on our needs while still fulfilling our roles as mothers. It’s about finding balance and making space for ourselves in the beautiful chaos of motherhood.