My family is definitely unique. With Asian children and white parents, it’s pretty evident that our kids are adopted. While I appreciate the curiosity that comes with our distinct family dynamic, it often leads to questions that can be a bit inappropriate or even silly. I remind myself that most people don’t intend to make me uncomfortable; they’re just not considering the implications of their inquiries while we’re at the grocery store.
I strive to respond with kindness and grace, even when I feel like rolling my eyes. Here are some of the most outlandish questions I’ve faced as an adoptive mom:
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“What happened to their ‘real’ parents?”
The term is actually “birth parents.” And honestly, this question is none of your business. Such references can spark confusion for my kids, leading to questions like, “Aren’t you my real mom?” We talk about adoption openly, but it’s frustrating when someone’s offhand comment prompts these conversations.
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“Your child is so lucky/you’re a saint for rescuing that poor orphan.”
I’m no saint, nor am I a superhero. My child is not a charity case; my husband and I simply wanted to become parents, not embark on a world-saving mission.
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“Can’t you have your own children?”
Thanks for inquiring about my reproductive abilities! That’s always a fun topic to discuss with strangers.
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“Why did you adopt from Country X instead of Country Y?”
This is a loaded question. There are many reasons for choosing one adoption path over another, and unless you’re genuinely exploring adoption for yourself, it’s best to keep that curiosity to yourself.
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“Isn’t adoption the ‘easy’ way to have kids?”
Sure, I didn’t experience morning sickness or labor pains, but do you know my full story? It’s often fraught with heartache and loss. So, let’s avoid the term “easy” when discussing adoption.
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“I could NEVER do that.”
Great! I’m glad you’ve made your stance clear on something you’ve never experienced. Sarcasm aside, it’s presumptuous to declare what you would or wouldn’t do in a situation you haven’t faced.
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“How much did the adoption cost?”
Asking about adoption expenses is as intrusive as asking someone about their financial troubles. If you’re curious about my adoption journey, maybe stick to compliments instead.
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“Do you think they’ll grow up to be communists?”
Really? Just because we adopted from China doesn’t mean I’m concerned about their political beliefs. Like any mom, I just want my kids to be happy and healthy.
Curiosity isn’t inherently negative, but it’s important to consider your relationship with the person you’re questioning. If you wouldn’t approach a mother of a large baby and ask about the birthing process, think twice before probing an adoptive family.
In essence, let’s all strive to be a bit more thoughtful in our interactions. Nobody enjoys being put in an uncomfortable position.
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Summary: This article discusses the awkward and often ridiculous questions that adoptive parents, particularly mothers, frequently encounter. It emphasizes the importance of sensitivity and understanding in conversations about adoption and family dynamics.