Navigating Beyond My Mother’s Parenting Principles

Parenting

Navigating Beyond My Mother’s Parenting Principles

self insemination kit

Updated: July 17, 2016

Originally Published: July 17, 2016

As a child, my mom enforced a plethora of rules. Looking back, I understand that with three kids running around, establishing guidelines was essential for maintaining peace and preventing chaos. Now that I’m a mom myself, I’ve adopted my own strategies to keep things running smoothly at home.

While my mother’s intentions were undoubtedly good, many of her rules now feel outdated and a bit ridiculous. In today’s world, where social media, cyberbullying, and other serious issues loom large, we have more pressing concerns than whether or not it’s acceptable to wear white after Labor Day. Parenting has evolved since our mothers’ days, and we need to adapt to meet the challenges our children face today.

Here are some of the parenting rules I’ve decided to revise, and I’m sure you’ll find echoes of your own mother’s guidelines in my list:

1. Discussing Sex is Off the Table

   In my strict Catholic household, conversations about S-E-X were a definite no-go. Yes, my brother and I endured the awkward birds and bees talk, but after that, discussions about our teenage romantic escapades were strictly off-limits. I must admit, I probably should have sought confession a few more times than I did.

   With my own tweens and teens, I’ve committed to fostering an open and honest dialogue about intimacy. I want them to know what’s expected of them, both physically and emotionally, when the time comes. I’m not looking for a detailed account of their dates, but I aim to be a safe space for any questions they might have. Trust me, my mother would be shocked by some of the frank discussions we’ve already had.

2. Girls Shouldn’t Make the First Move

   My mom believed that good girls never called boys. If I wanted to go out, the boy had to be the one to call or ask me in person. Even when I had a boyfriend, I was expected to wait for him to reach out. This policy gave boys too much control over my social life, and I quickly discarded it in college.

   I want my daughter to feel empowered in her choices and comfortable approaching anyone she wants to hang out with. If she wants to see a movie, she should reach out to whomever she likes. And as for my son? I’ll try not to cringe when girls call him, even if it’s a hard habit to break!

3. Always Be Nice

   Growing up, we were taught to be polite to everyone, even those who treated us poorly. My mom often reminded us that everyone fights their own battles and that kindness, even to the unkind, was vital. “Kill them with kindness,” she would say, while I secretly rolled my eyes.

   While I want my kids to be respectful, I also encourage them to voice their opinions when they or someone they care about is wronged. They need to stand up for what’s right, as change doesn’t come from being silent. However, they’ll always need to say thank you—because manners are still important.

4. Wait for Dad to Return

   My mother was the primary disciplinarian, and when we were really in trouble, she would ominously declare, “Wait until your father gets home!” This would send us scurrying to hide. I always wondered why she relied on dad to deliver the final word when she was more than capable.

   In my household, I’ve made it clear that discipline falls squarely on my shoulders when I’m present. My husband and I work as a team, and he supports my decisions. I might be the “scary” parent, but he once joked that the kids should fear my return home more than his!

My mother did a lot of things right, allowing me the freedom to discover my own parenting style with minimal interference. No parent has all the answers, and I’m sure my daughter will choose her own unique approach when it’s her turn. Unfortunately for her, I may not be able to resist the urge to drop a few “I told you so” moments along the way!

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Summary

In this article, Amanda Walker reflects on her mother’s parenting rules and how they differ from her own approach as a modern mom. She emphasizes the importance of open communication about sensitive topics, empowering children to take initiative in relationships, and the balance between kindness and assertiveness. The piece highlights the evolution of parenting practices to address contemporary challenges while respecting the lessons learned from previous generations.