As the morning sun rises and children gather to head to school, your daughter, Lily, turns to you with wide eyes and says, “I can’t take the bus today. My tummy hurts. Please don’t make me go.” You feel a familiar pang of dread. What should be a routine outing has transformed into a major hurdle.
Looking at Lily, you see palpable fear on her face. You want to provide reassurance and alleviate the constant worry that seems to shadow her every day. First, you attempt logic: “Lily, we take this bus because the driver is safely trained!” But she remains unconvinced.
Next, you offer comfort, “I promise you’ll be fine. Trust me, okay?” She nods, yet seconds later, she pleads, “Please don’t make me go.” In frustration, you resort to scolding: “Lily Jane, you will get on that bus right now, or you’ll lose your tablet for a week!” She gazes at you as if you’ve asked her to dive into the ocean. Reluctantly, she boards the bus, leaving you with a heavy heart.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many parents would do anything to alleviate their child’s distress, especially when it comes to anxiety. It’s hard to watch them grapple with situations that seem trivial to adults. However, to a child, those moments can feel incredibly threatening, triggering real anxiety responses.
Having battled my own anxiety as a child, I understand this struggle well. I learned that millions contend with similar feelings—40 million adults in the U.S. and about 1 in 8 children. Many kids miss out on important experiences due to their anxious thoughts, leaving parents feeling powerless.
While solutions are not one-size-fits-all, several evidence-based strategies can assist in managing anxiety, many of which are straightforward. I wish I’d known these techniques earlier, and I am passionate about sharing them with as many kids and parents as possible. Here are nine actionable strategies for parents to implement right away:
1. Avoid Over-Reassuring Your Child
Your instinct may be to reassure your child that everything is okay, but this often falls flat. When anxiety hits, children’s brains are flooded with chemicals that hinder logical thinking. Instead, try the FEEL method:
- Freeze: Pause and take deep breaths together.
- Empathize: Acknowledge their feelings; anxiety is frightening.
- Evaluate: Once calm, discuss possible solutions.
- Let Go: Release any guilt; you’re equipping your child with coping tools.
2. Teach the Benefits of Worry
Help your child understand that worry has a purpose. In ancient times, anxiety served to protect our ancestors from danger. Let them know it’s normal to feel anxious sometimes; it’s a survival mechanism that can be managed with practice.
3. Personify Their Worries
Bringing worries to life can be effective. Create a character that embodies their anxiety—perhaps a stuffed animal named Worry Willy. This can help your child externalize their fears, making them less intimidating.
4. Encourage Thought Detective Skills
Teach your child to scrutinize their thoughts. Use the 3Cs:
- Catch your thoughts: Visualize worries as bubbles floating above.
- Collect evidence: Assess the truth behind those thoughts.
- Challenge your thoughts: Engage in a mental debate over their validity.
5. Establish a Worry Time
Instead of suppressing worries, create a designated “Worry Time” for 10-15 minutes daily. Allow your child to jot down their concerns. Decorate a worry box where they can store these thoughts and let them go at the end of the time.
6. Shift Focus from ‘What If’ to ‘What Is’
Encourage mindfulness to help your child return to the present moment. Ask them to focus on their breathing for a few minutes, which can alleviate the tendency to spiral into future worries.
7. Avoiding Triggers Increases Anxiety
Though it’s tempting to shield your child from anxiety-inducing situations, this can worsen their fears. Instead, try a technique called laddering—break down fearful situations into smaller, manageable steps.
8. Create an Anxiety Checklist
Just as pilots rely on checklists during emergencies, children can benefit from a step-by-step guide when anxiety strikes. Help them develop a checklist of calming steps they can refer to when feeling overwhelmed.
9. Practice Self-Compassion
Witnessing your child struggle with anxiety can be heartbreaking. Remember, anxiety is often rooted in multiple factors like genetics or past experiences. You are not to blame, but you can be a supportive ally. Embrace self-compassion and remind yourself that you’re doing your best for your child.
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In summary, while anxiety can feel overwhelming for both children and parents, adopting these nine strategies can empower your child to manage their worries effectively. By understanding and addressing anxiety, you can foster resilience and emotional well-being.