I gave up.
It was about three years ago when the immense pressure I’d been placing on myself, combined with my over-involvement in my children’s lives, left me feeling like I was drowning in a sea of parenting resentment. My family didn’t want to throw me a life preserver because I was just too miserable to be around.
In my world, nothing was ever satisfactory. The expectations I had for myself and my family were not only unattainable but often completely baffling. When I realized that my children might only remember me as a frantic and unhappy figure, I decided to let go.
I stopped fixating on those unrealistic, self-imposed standards of motherhood. Instead, I embraced the concept of grace and granted myself permission to be far less than I thought I needed to be. And I’ve never looked back. Why? Because shedding the heavy burden of trying to do it all has made me a lighter, much happier mom.
Here’s the crux: As I began to simplify my approach to parenting, I became so much more.
Dialing back your parenting expectations is no easy feat. For those like me, who have a perfectionist streak, the idea of relinquishing control can feel daunting. And for mothers who already feel inadequate, embracing a lower standard can be equally challenging. But giving yourself the grace to step off the exhausting treadmill of parenting expectations is a gift not just for you, but for your children as well. Everyone deserves grace, especially those who extend it so freely to others without ever taking any for themselves—moms.
Grace is essential in moments of struggle, offering a chance to start anew without the weight of past failures. Did you catch that? Your previous shortcomings don’t define you. Grace is unconditional. For those of us who tend to overachieve and constantly feel the need to prove ourselves, grace reminds us that we have nothing to validate. There are no benchmarks set by other moms, social media, or societal norms that determine our worth.
Those fabricated standards only leave us exhausted and unfulfilled. You will never feel enough if you allow others to dictate what that means. You are always enough.
When you allow grace to release the suffocating expectations you’ve placed upon yourself, you’ll be amazed at how liberating it feels. This newfound freedom is so refreshing that it might just astonish you. Plus, it will make you more lovable. The walls of frustration that you’ve built around yourself can prevent your kids and partner from loving you as you deserve—and from fully loving yourself, too. But once those barriers are dismantled? Once you accept that you are already enough? Prepare for an incredible relief that will have you questioning why you waited so long to grant yourself a break.
Lowering your standards is not synonymous with failure. Leaving a few dishes in the sink overnight, having a perpetual pile of laundry on the couch, or ordering takeout for the third time this week doesn’t make you any less of a mother. Those absurdly high standards you once believed made you a “good” mom were all nonsense. Grace doesn’t care about dirty dishes or laundry; it only cares about YOU. And you are so much more than any set of standards—you’re a mom whose only real goal is to love her children.
Let grace help you release your expectations and the resentment that often accompanies them. Someday, the laundry pile may disappear, but the need for a mother’s love will always remain.
And trust me, your future grandchildren will be eager for that love.
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Summary
This article discusses the unrealistic expectations many parents—especially mothers—place on themselves. The author shares her journey of releasing those burdens and embracing grace, leading to greater happiness and fulfillment. Lowering standards is portrayed not as a failure, but as a path to self-acceptance and love for both oneself and one’s children.