There’s a picture hanging in our hallway of my partner and me with our oldest niece, framed with the words “My Godparents.” Occasionally, one of our children spots it and inquires about this “godparents” concept. “What are those? Do I have any? Why not?” I do my best to explain, but usually, it ends with an apology about why they don’t have godparents.
“Well… you weren’t baptized.”
“I wasn’t?”
“Nope.”
“Why not?!”
“Our beliefs don’t include baptism for children.”
Sometimes these explanations spark further questions, while other times, the dialogue halts, leaving them mildly disappointed about their lack of godparents and indifferent about baptism. They recognize that our family doesn’t participate in religious activities like their Christian and Jewish peers, yet we aren’t entirely disconnected from spirituality either. In a way, I think my kids feel slightly shortchanged — they’re religious outsiders but still experience church.
Our family identifies as Unitarian Universalist, a somewhat unconventional path that’s as challenging to define as it is to pronounce. UUs, as we often refer to ourselves, don’t adhere to a single set of doctrines. Representing just one percent of the American populace in the “other faith” category, we are a vibrant spiritual mix. Some members come from different religious backgrounds, while others identify as atheists or agnostics. Some do hold a belief in a deity — though the capitalization of “g” is often debated. There’s no Trinity, no bar/bat mitzvahs, and no baptism to erase the concept of “original sin,” as we don’t subscribe to that belief.
Instead, we emphasize kindness, connection, and reverence for something greater than ourselves — whatever that may mean to each individual. Think of it as the Church of the Golden Rule.
I came into Unitarian Universalism later in life, having been raised in a typical Catholic environment, complete with First Communion and Lent restrictions. While I value the spiritual grounding I received in my youth, I eventually recognized, like many others, that I struggled with the whole Trinity concept and my faith in a traditional notion of God. Perhaps a somewhat nebulous understanding of a god with a lowercase “g” resonates more with me.
Regardless of my personal beliefs, I wanted to offer my children some form of spiritual foundation. But how? I yearned for our family to belong to a spiritual community that nurtured a sense of the divine without compromising authenticity. Was such a community even available?
For a time, I questioned whether a church like this could exist. However, over the past decade, I’ve discovered that this unique religion suits our family beautifully. We delve into the works of Rumi and Mary Oliver and sing a variety of non-traditional songs. Our church hosts groups like Atheist, Humanist & Agnostics, and the Feminine Divine, along with a book club. We celebrate an annual Passover Seder, a Christmas pageant, and an amazing Halloween party. My evolving beliefs can coexist with my partner’s humanist ideals, and our children learn the value of spirituality without being told what to believe.
While I deeply appreciate our liberal, somewhat unconventional faith, there are times when I struggle to articulate what it means, especially to those unfamiliar with UU principles. Fitting in with non-UUs can also be challenging; to my Jewish and Christian friends, I may not seem religious enough, whereas to my non-churchgoing friends, I appear too religious. And as for my kids? They occasionally express disappointment that they didn’t receive First Communion gifts like their friends.
Nevertheless, our family largely embraces our unique spiritual identity. I take pride in being part of a faith community that has been at the forefront of advocating for marriage equality and had gender-neutral bathrooms long before they became a topic of conversation. I’m delighted that my children are exposed to a variety of faith traditions, from Judeo-Christian beliefs to Islam, Buddhism, and paganism, learning to celebrate differences rather than merely tolerate them. I am incredibly thankful that I can remain true to my personal beliefs while being an active member of a spiritual community.
While we may not fit the mold of mainstream religion, we have certainly found a place where we belong.
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Summary
Our family has found a unique spiritual home in Unitarian Universalism, where we embrace diversity, kindness, and connection. While we may not align with mainstream religious practices, we celebrate our identity and the values we foster within our community.