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The Essential Role of Stay-at-Home Moms: More Than “Just”
Photo by Jodi Jacobson / iStock
I caught a glimpse of your struggle the other day when you casually slipped that word into conversation. It rolled off your tongue in a way that reminded me of my own past — without much consideration or celebration. We’ve become so accustomed to its presence, both in our own speech and in the words of others, that we hardly recognize its significance anymore.
“I’m just a stay-at-home mom.”
I could hear the hesitation in your voice, and I felt your insecurities. That seemingly insignificant four-letter word carried a mountain of fears and doubts. I understand this because I’ve been in your shoes; I’ve wrestled with those same feelings. I’ve uttered those words: I’m “just” a stay-at-home mom.
You fret about whether you’re meeting the expectations of your “job.” You question if your college education was a waste of time and resources. You compare yourself to other women who are out there achieving goals, making strides, and advancing in their careers. You fear that, by staying home, you may appear less worthy, less capable, or less intriguing. Although your partner supports your choice and values your contributions, you worry that one day that support may turn into resentment. You ask yourself if you’re feminist enough, interesting enough, or simply enough. You wonder if you are just a stay-at-home mom.
Listen closely, dear mama: there is no “just” in being a stay-at-home mom.
Motherhood is not defined by the label you attach to it, no matter what it looks like for you. Whether you’re spending your days managing playdates and wiping noses or negotiating business deals and scheduling meetings, you are engaged in the noble work of mothering. We are all undertaking difficult yet meaningful tasks. We are all raising the next generation, and there is nothing trivial, dull, or simple about that. There is no “just” when it comes to being a mother.
You are not merely a stay-at-home mom; you are a nurturer, ensuring a human life not only survives but thrives. You are nourishing infants, cradling sleepy toddlers, and comforting preschoolers after tumbles on the playground.
You’re not just a stay-at-home mom; you are a caretaker, changing countless diapers, tackling mountains of laundry, and preparing multiple meals for your family’s varying tastes (one for the baby, another for the picky toddler, and one that will be eaten cold because you were busy with the other two).
You are not simply a stay-at-home mom; you are a multitasker, reading to your little one while nursing a baby and checking your first-grader’s homework. You’re on hold with the doctor while helping your preschooler brush their teeth. You can cook spaghetti sauce while nodding along to your son’s Minecraft stories — even chiming in with “wow” and “cool” at just the right moments.
You’re not just a stay-at-home mom; you are a peacekeeper, diffusing conflicts over who gets to use the red cup and soothing tantrums when juice spills onto the floor. You can split a fruit snack perfectly in half to satisfy both children. You handle negotiations over naptime and the eternal debate of watching Caillou or anything else.
You aren’t just a stay-at-home mom; you are a healer, tending to scrapes with kisses and Band-Aids (both real and imaginary). You hold buckets for sick kids and wet cloths on feverish brows. You’ve combed out lice more than once.
You’re not merely a stay-at-home mom; you are a teacher, guiding your children in tying shoes, singing the Alphabet Song, and saying “please.” You show them how to embrace failure and try again, nurturing their best selves.
You aren’t just a stay-at-home mom; you are an advocate, teaching your children the essence of true feminism — equality and choice. You volunteer tirelessly for their school, spending hours photocopying papers and baking for bake sales. You willingly chaperone field trips, even if it means enduring a hot, crowded bus filled with energetic third-graders.
So, listen up, mama: you are not just a stay-at-home mom; you embody the roles of Nurturer, Caretaker, Multitasker, Peacekeeper, Healer, Teacher, and Advocate.
In other words, you are a Mom. You are doing hard work and meaningful work, just as we all are. There’s no “just” in being a mom, no matter how you choose to embrace this journey.
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Summary
Being a stay-at-home mom is a multifaceted role encompassing nurturing, caretaking, and teaching, among other responsibilities. It is essential to recognize that there is no “just” in this role, as mothers engage in significant and impactful work every day.