As a child, I always imagined raising a daughter who would mirror my own experiences. However, life had other plans, and I find myself with a lively household full of sons—each of them navigating a world that is fundamentally different from mine. Their perspectives, shaped by their masculinity, bring unique challenges to the parenting table.
Being a woman raising boys has its hurdles, but I embrace the opportunity to influence the next generation of men. As a proud feminist, I’m committed to instilling the values of gender equality in my sons. My time at an all-women’s college, where feminist ideals were celebrated, immensely shaped my worldview. I have the privilege to guide my boys from the very start, teaching them the importance of equality. Instead of contributing to a culture that objectifies women, I aim to raise them as advocates for women’s rights—gentlemen who respect and uplift.
However, as my sons grow older, I find myself grappling with an uncomfortable question: When they begin dating, how can I teach them to view women as equals while also encouraging traditional gestures like paying for dates or holding doors? Is chivalry at odds with feminism? It’s a perplexing dilemma that has made me reconsider my views.
Before becoming a mother of boys, this issue never crossed my mind. I wholeheartedly believe that women deserve equal opportunities and respect, yet I can’t help but appreciate the charm of a gentleman—someone who pulls out a chair or graciously picks up the check. There’s an undeniable warmth in those gestures that makes a woman feel cherished. If I were dating, I would prefer a partner who treats me with those little acts of kindness rather than one who treats our time together as if we’re just friends hanging out.
But at what point does kindness become patronizing? I want my sons to understand that treating women as equals is paramount, yet I also want them to appreciate the value of courtesy. It’s a delicate balance, and I worry about sending mixed messages. Am I inadvertently teaching them to place women on a pedestal, which might conflict with the concept of equality? It’s a tightrope walk that I don’t envy them for having to navigate.
Ultimately, I believe the best approach is to instill in my sons a sense of kindness and respect for all people, regardless of gender. They should hold doors open—not just for women but for anyone. If they invite someone out, they can offer to pay. They should help anyone in need, whether it’s assisting someone with groceries or offering a hand with their coat. Through my own actions, I can model how to engage with others—not out of a sense of obligation but simply as a reflection of their character.
I want my sons to be champions for women’s rights, helping to dismantle barriers without getting hurt in the process. For more insights on this journey, check out our other blog posts, like this one which dives deeper into the intersection of parenting and social values. Resources like Make A Mom can also provide valuable guidance on navigating these topics. Additionally, for those exploring family-building options, Hopkins Medicine is an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, teaching chivalry to our sons doesn’t have to conflict with feminist ideals. By emphasizing kindness and equality, we can raise a generation of respectful men who understand the importance of treating everyone with dignity.