By: Emma Hartley
Date: Aug. 5, 2016
After deciding to part ways, my ex and I endured several awkward months of living under the same roof. He was in the guest room while I occupied our shared bedroom, and the atmosphere was thick with tension. The kids struggled to grasp this unusual sleeping arrangement, and I found myself hyper-aware of his presence—was he on his phone? Was he listening for me?
Our conversations revolved solely around necessities, and everything else was kept distinctly separate. Whispered exchanges became routine, while chocolate, wine, and extra Zumba classes became my little escape. Then came the unceremonious Wednesday when he moved out while I was at work. I returned home to find his absence palpable—his nightstand, toothbrush, and sock bin were gone. Yet, oddly enough, the oppressive weight of our home was lifted.
Suddenly, I felt a shift within myself. I lit candles and curled up with my favorite movie, finally in control of the remote—what bliss! Through this journey, I’ve discovered that there are indeed silver linings to separation and divorce, moments of brightness amid the sadness and paperwork.
Finding Freedom in Decisions
Have you ever had a disagreement with your partner over where to eat while on vacation? For me, this was a persistent issue in both my childhood and marriage. The debate between choosing Luau Bob’s or Salty Pete’s somehow felt more significant than it should have.
The first time I took the kids on a beach getaway without him was liberating. I made all the decisions regarding meals and bedtimes; I lounged by the pool while they splashed around. It was delightful to flow with my own rhythm, free from the anxiety of potential arguments that had plagued our past vacations.
Reclaiming My Space
One of the most vital aspects I needed to reclaim was my personal space—particularly the master bedroom. I opted for a gorgeous, deep purple that exuded femininity, far beyond what he would have tolerated. I adorned the space with matching curtains, rugs, throw pillows, and a duvet. Decorating was never his passion but it was mine. I proudly displayed my running medals and inspiring quotes from friends, creating a sanctuary that reflected my essence. I transformed my nightstand into a kid-free zone, stacking it with books by my favorite authors, surrounding myself with inspiration.
ABBA Dance Parties
Additionally, my cousins and I share a quirky love for ABBA. I can’t pinpoint how it started, but ABBA dance parties have become our thing—especially after a glass or two of wine. My ex never understood this joyful expression and often dismissed it as a triviality. However, once he moved out, those dance parties became a regular occurrence, filling our home with laughter and music. Now, my kids see a more playful side of me; we dance and sing freely, reveling in the moment.
Reflecting on the Journey
As I reflect on the lessons learned from my marriage’s end, I seek to find joy in both the past and present. Life is a blend of light and darkness, and I’m striving to learn from both as I define who I am. Embracing dance parties, voicing my preferences, and making decisions are wonderful starting points on this new journey.
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Summary
In the aftermath of my divorce, I reclaimed my voice and joy through small yet significant changes in my life. From transforming my living space to embracing fun dance parties, I discovered the silver linings amid the challenges of separation. This journey has been about finding moments of light and understanding who I am as I move forward.