Even as a father of three, I quickly realized that each pregnancy brought new lessons. Growing up as the youngest in my family, my wife, Sarah, was the first pregnant woman I ever lived with, and I felt surprisingly unprepared for the experience. It’s astonishing how something as ancient as pregnancy can still leave you scratching your head. Here are a few things I discovered that might benefit first-time fathers.
1. Expect a Lot of Tears
When Sarah was pregnant with our first child, I asked her to water the Christmas tree and she burst into tears. “Don’t you understand how exhausted I am?” she exclaimed, followed by an exasperated call of “jerk.” While I had seen countless movies portraying emotional pregnant women as a source of amusement, the reality hit different. At 24, my initial response was frustration. First-time dads, take note: if you find yourself in a similar situation, just apologize and water the tree. Seriously, apologizing should be your go-to. During that first pregnancy, Sarah cried over everything from a closed bank to me consuming the last string cheese. It’s normal for pregnant women to experience heightened emotions. Your role is to provide unwavering support as she navigates this emotional rollercoaster. Stay understanding, offer plenty of hugs, and remember: just apologize.
2. The Poop Talk is Real
One of the unexpected topics that came up frequently was the fear of pooping during childbirth. Many women openly discuss this concern, and it can catch first-time dads off guard. When you think about an 8-pound baby making its way out, the pressure makes sense, but the embarrassment of being naked in front of medical staff while delivering a baby is a whole different story. While I’d love to make jokes about it, the reality is that it’s no laughing matter. Acknowledge the possibility and reassure her that your love won’t waver if it happens. And whatever you do, don’t bring it up later—keep that moment sacred.
3. Body Changes Galore
I anticipated that Sarah’s abdomen would grow, but I was blindsided by how her entire body transformed. From her neck to her ankles, everything seemed to swell, and her fingers rounded out too. By the end of the pregnancy, she had red spots on her skin and stretch marks on her belly and chest. It’s crucial to remember, though, that comments about her appearance can be hurtful. I learned the hard way that comparisons, no matter how lighthearted they seem, can come off as insensitive. Dads, your job is to affirm her beauty and let her know that her efforts to bring a child into the world are cherished.
4. Sex Takes a Different Turn
I didn’t realize how much intimacy would evolve during pregnancy. While Sarah sometimes wanted to be intimate more than usual, our physical connection changed with each trimester. What was once comfortable might no longer be, leading to a lot of discussions about what worked and what didn’t. It required patience and creativity, and I often felt frustrated. But I had to remind myself that these changes were part of the journey and that they were only temporary.
5. Childbirth is Intense
While many talk about the miracle of childbirth, the actual experience was quite terrifying for me. If you’re someone who is squeamish, like I am, I recommend keeping your gaze elsewhere. Instead, focus on supporting your partner, holding her hand, and being the loving husband she needs during this life-changing moment.
Pregnancy is truly an eye-opening experience for both partners. Even after three pregnancies, my respect for Sarah—and all mothers—has only deepened. What she goes through is a remarkable and sometimes challenging journey. So, the next time a pregnant woman in your life craves tacos at 3 a.m., remember the significance of what she’s experiencing. Supporting her is the least you can do.
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Summary
Pregnancy can be full of surprises for first-time dads. From emotional upheavals and body changes to the realities of childbirth, understanding and support are key. Dads need to be prepared for new experiences and changes in intimacy while remembering that their partner’s journey is unique and significant.