Dear Jamie,
I hope this message finds you well, despite the rough week you seem to be having.
The other night, I was cozied up on the couch with my 7-year-old daughter, sipping tea and soaking in the incredible performances of the Olympians, especially the remarkable Jenna Lee. We intentionally tuned in to watch Jenna, a fellow adoptee and a strong young girl of color, just like my daughter. Seeing Jenna light up the gymnastics floor and witnessing my daughter’s beaming face was pure joy.
Then, you spoke up. As the camera shifted to Jenna’s family, you made a comment about how the people she refers to as mom and dad are actually her grandparents.
Let me clarify something for you: she calls them mom and dad because they are her mom and dad.
When members of the adoption community, including myself, responded on Twitter (which we affectionately call a clapback), you didn’t listen. You continued to dig deeper until your employer had to step in, prompting you to delete your tweet and apologize.
While I understand the need to maintain your reputation, I doubt you grasp why this upset so many of us in the adoption community. Allow me to enlighten you.
I am a mom through adoption, but I don’t live in a state of “adoptive mom” mode. Adoption was a legal event that confirmed I am my children’s mother.
I’m an adoptive mom, but I’m not a “fake” mom. I don’t do things half-heartedly. I don’t pretend to care for my children or stage interactions. Those moments, from cuddling to bedtime stories, are genuine.
I’m a mom by adoption, but I’m not a pretend mom. I don’t just go through the motions of parenting. I’m fully present, addressing sleepless nights and celebrating the little victories with my children.
I’m a mom by adoption, but I recognize I’m not their only mom. I understand my children have complex feelings about their origins, and I encourage them to express those feelings openly. I would never force them to choose between their biological parents and myself.
I’m a mom by adoption, but I refuse to be an irrelevant mom. Each interaction I have with my kids matters. I may not fully understand the impact of my support, but I know they need to hear me cheer for them. I strive to show up for them, just like any parent.
I proudly embrace my role as a mom to three wonderful, intelligent, and lively children. Regardless of how they choose to refer to me or their biological parents, I cherish my role in their lives. I believe that individuals like you, who struggle to accept that adoption creates real families, limit their understanding of love and connection.
Your views will not define us.
The little girl snuggled next to me? She’s my daughter. She’s not an “adopted” child or a “maybe” kid; she’s simply my kid.
So, the next time you have a platform as vast as the Olympics, I hope you’ll remember to show respect for the talented athletes and their families—real families—who support them.
As a friendly piece of advice, stay in your lane. Don’t criticize Jenna Lee or her family. And above all, if you can’t say something positive, it’s best to hold your tongue and keep your skepticism off social media.
You’re welcome.
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Summary:
In a heartfelt letter to Jamie Thompson, a mom by adoption reflects on a recent comment made during an Olympic broadcast that undermined the legitimacy of families formed through adoption. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing adoptive parents as real parents, the genuine love and care they provide, and the significance of the relationships they foster. The letter advocates for understanding and respect for the complexities of adoption, urging the recipient to be more mindful in the future.