Laundry is that one chore that almost everyone dreads. While some might dislike vacuuming or scrubbing bathrooms, I think we can all agree that laundry takes the cake as the most despised task of all time. The frustration I feel about it is akin to a thousand tantrums thrown by unhappy toddlers.
One of the cardinal rules of laundry is that it’s an endless cycle—unless you’ve decided to start a nudist community. Even when you think you’ve conquered the pile, the clothes you’re wearing become the next load, along with what everyone else in the household has on. It’s a never-ending cycle of fabric and frustration.
And let’s not even get started on the complicated nature of laundry. Unlike washing dishes, where you clean one and move on, laundry involves a series of steps that can feel like a marathon: collect, sort, wash, dry, fold, and finally, put it all away. With so many steps, it’s a chore that never seems to truly be finished.
To illustrate just how much I loathe laundry, here’s a list of 50 things I’d much rather do than tackle that pile of clothes.
- Take a trip to Mars with 17 toddlers.
- Have an eccentric comedian perform surgery on me.
- Relive my middle school years.
- Give up chocolate for life.
- Forego alcohol indefinitely.
- Attend a political rally that makes me cringe.
- Bathe in spicy pepper juice.
- Grow up resembling a cartoon character.
- Let my child give me a haircut.
- Experience the birth of a massive sea creature.
- Allow my kids to play with copious amounts of glitter.
- Don a bridesmaid dress daily for a full year.
- Suffer a paper cut on my eye.
- Have a perpetual sunburn.
- Walk uphill barefoot in the snow—both ways.
- Host a Thanksgiving dinner for a famous family.
- Live next door to a super cheerful neighbor.
- Deal with non-stop home renovations involving loud power tools.
- Survive in a world without cleaning wipes.
- Part with my beloved yoga pants.
- Make an appearance on a controversial talk show.
- Lose the ability to tweeze my unruly chin hairs.
- Develop an unexpected allergy to my favorite food.
- Be subjected to a marathon of a children’s show.
- Embrace an Amish lifestyle.
- Use a machete for my toenail grooming.
- Have a wild actor as my closest companion.
- Hire a character known for their messiness to clean my home.
- Listen to my toddler’s endless knock-knock jokes.
- Own a pet snake.
- Vacation with an ultra-religious family.
- Read the comments section of a controversial news outlet.
- Sit next to someone on a flight who’s munching on tuna.
- Eat a plate of kale.
- Have a famous chef critique my cooking skills.
- Visit a restaurant only to find out they’ve changed their menu.
- Kiss a stinging sea creature.
- Attend a movie premiere that’s way past its prime.
- Walk barefoot in a theme park after a storm.
- Eat fast food and then face a desperate bathroom search.
- Convince my partner to reverse a medical procedure.
- Rely on an unreliable source for health advice.
- Wear an eye-catching outfit to a formal event.
- Become known as the neighborhood cat enthusiast.
- Experience all my worst nightmares.
- Be a target for an Olympic sport.
- Explain a complex movie series to someone completely clueless.
- Live permanently on a whimsical theme park ride.
- Feel an electric shock every time I crave alone time.
- Watch my kids stumble upon my secret snack stash and devour it.
I could list more, but I must pause now—the dryer just chimed. Time to fold some clothes and experience yet another small piece of my spirit fade away with each pant I crease.
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In summary, laundry is a daunting task that many would rather avoid. The list of alternatives is long and humorous, showcasing just how much we all can relate to the struggles of this household chore.