We’ve all encountered that one friend of a friend who rubs us the wrong way. Maybe she’s overly loud, always caught up in personal drama, or perhaps she has a knack for being snide when no one is looking. When her parenting choices make you want to down your chardonnay in frustration, you know you’re in a tough spot.
If you’ve mingled within the mom community for a while, you’ve probably met someone who grates on your nerves. If she happens to be close with one of your good friends, you might feel trapped in a cycle of forced smiles and awkward conversations at social events. While it may seem trivial in the grand scheme of things, dealing with friendship drama can evoke those dreaded high school feelings all over again.
So, what steps can you take when a close friend spends time with someone you just can’t connect with? Navigating this territory can be tricky as you balance honesty with the risk of coming off as jealous or petty. Here are some strategies to consider if you find yourself in this familiar situation:
- Acknowledge Your Friend’s Choice
Friendship isn’t about competing for attention. Your friend values you for unique reasons, whether it’s your sense of humor or your ability to offer support on tough days. She may have a bond with her other friend that you’re not privy to, and it’s essential to trust that she sees beyond the surface. - Avoid Speaking Ill of the New Friend
Sometimes, a newcomer to your mom group can feel like a shiny new toy. Initially, they may fit in well, but as time passes, their true colors may shine through. While it might be tempting to voice your disdain, doing so could make you seem petty. If you’ve chosen your friends wisely, the new friendship will likely fizzle out on its own. - Gracefully Step Back if Needed
I once found myself in a situation where I was clearly not liked by a mutual friend. The tension became unbearable, and it was apparent I was stressing out the hostess. As much as I cherished our time together, I chose to leave early. Instead of viewing it as conceding defeat, I saw it as prioritizing my friend’s peace of mind. - Stick to Facts When Discussing Your Feelings
Mom friendships can get catty, and emotions can cloud our judgment. Before addressing your feelings with your friend, reflect on what specifically bothers you about her new friendship. Is it the behavior of her friend? Have you experienced hurtful words? Or is it just simple jealousy? Be direct yet respectful in your conversation, using “I feel” statements to express your discomfort clearly. - Recognize It’s Not About You
If you’re receiving poor treatment from a friend of a friend, consider the dynamics at play. Have you shared a long history with your mutual friend? Perhaps the new friend feels out of place amidst your established rapport. Regardless of the situation, as long as you’ve made an effort to be pleasant, you can take pride in being a good friend. Don’t let the bitterness of one person overshadow the joy of your lasting friendships.
In most cases, your friend has enough love to go around, and there’s no need to compete. While we might not be children anymore, sometimes it helps to remind ourselves of the old saying: “I’m rubber, you’re glue. What bounces off me sticks to you.”
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In summary, managing friendships can be a delicate dance, especially when someone new enters the mix. Remember to focus on your friendship, communicate honestly, and keep your cool.