When I was expecting my second child, I envisioned a beautiful bond between her and her older sister. I pictured them joyfully playing together, sharing toys like Legos and dolls, and giggling over silly antics. My dream was for them to take turns wearing sparkly crowns or capes, never resorting to hurtful behavior even in moments of frustration.
Well, reality proved otherwise. Sibling squabbles are a daily occurrence in our home. My three daughters share a deep love for one another but also engage in competition and occasional bickering. While I understand that conflict is a natural part of relationships, it can be challenging to witness, whether it’s a minor disagreement or a more intense confrontation.
In the early years, I often found myself in the thick of their disputes, stepping in to resolve issues and teach them how to express their feelings and listen to each other. I played the role of referee, mediating arguments and encouraging apologies, while also doling out consequences like a timeout or limited playtime with their favorite toys. This was exhausting, both emotionally and as a parent.
Now that my eldest daughters are in middle and high school, they have a clearer understanding of how to treat one another. I encourage them to be assertive and stand their ground, but equally important is the lesson of kindness and knowing when to let things slide. I’ve started allowing them to manage their own conflicts, guided by our family’s “Ground Rules for Household Disagreements.” Here are five key rules to help curb sibling fights:
- Don’t Rush to Mom or Dad.
This rule benefits both me and my girls. As their disputes become more complex, it’s important for them to handle their conflicts independently. While they may not always reach a resolution that feels fair, they usually find a way to apologize or simply move on. - No Name-Calling.
With my daughters now 14 and 11, they’ve certainly encountered their share of harsh words. Our household rule is clear: no insults or personal attacks. Instead, we focus on discussing behaviors rather than resorting to hurtful language. Of course, there may be some mumbling under their breath, but as long as it’s not heard, it doesn’t count, right? - Take a Time-Out.
If emotions start running high, it’s perfectly acceptable to step away for a moment. The challenge lies in convincing the other person to give you a breather. In our family, unresolved disputes are tough to bear, so my girls are continually working on this skill. - Keep It Non-Physical.
You might think it unnecessary to remind tweens and teens to keep hands to themselves, but it’s essential. While my daughters don’t resort to physical fights, they sometimes get too close for comfort. They know that any form of hitting or aggressive behavior is unacceptable, though playful roughhousing is permitted as long as it remains fun. - Choose Your Battles Wisely.
Sometimes, it’s best to let minor issues slide. Not every little conflict is worth the energy of a fight, whether it’s a snide comment or a borrowed shirt.
While it can be tough for my girls—and me—to adhere to these rules consistently, I do step in occasionally when sibling squabbles become overwhelming. Learning to resolve conflicts amicably takes practice. Fortunately, I’ve noticed progress; just the other day, I overheard my oldest explaining to her younger sister why calling someone a “silly goose” isn’t nice. By the time I walked into the kitchen, they were happily sharing a forbidden chocolate treat for breakfast. Problem solved!
If you’re interested in more insights into parenting and family dynamics, you can check out additional resources, including this helpful article. For those looking to understand fertility better, Make a Mom offers great information about fertility boosters. Additionally, Women’s Health provides excellent resources on infertility and pregnancy.