I can’t believe my son is now a teenager at 13 years old! Over the years, I’ve tried to steer clear of his room (and my daughter’s, but his is the real challenge). I wouldn’t say I’m particularly organized, and cleaning is far from my favorite pastime. Usually, I just drop a laundry basket outside his door and hope he gets the hint. Yet, sometimes it gets so chaotic that I have to dive in and face the mess, and like a detective on a case, I am left with questions.
- What is that overwhelming odor that’s hitting me like a brick wall?
- Does he really not notice this smell?
- Has he turned his room into a snack factory for Funyuns?
- Is it possible he’s developed a condition where he can’t detect bad smells?
- Do we have any nose clips, onion goggles, or perhaps a hazmat suit lying around?
- Why does he own two cans of Axe body spray?
- Does he seriously think that spraying over the funk is a substitute for a shower?
- Is there an Axe body spray flavor that smells like Funyuns now?
- What on Earth is that on his sheets?
- Why did I choose navy blue sheets for a teenage boy?
- Is that white substance on his bedding?
- Could it possibly be acne cream?
- Or yogurt?
- Should I really consider sniffing it?
- Have I completely lost my sanity?!
- Thank goodness it is, in fact, yogurt!
- Just how old is that green fuzzy yogurt container?
- Should I venture under the bed for a clean-up?
- What if he stashed a dirty magazine down there?
- Doesn’t he just Google that stuff these days?
- Have I checked the parental control app on his phone recently?
- How many times have I told him to stop leaving wet towels on the floor?
- Why are there 12 half-empty plastic cups scattered around?
- Didn’t he have a pet gecko in here at one point?
- Did I just step on something squishy?
- Where on Earth is that gecko?
- Hold on, what is that white powder?
- Is that cocaine?
- Or is it jock-itch powder?
- Did his dad actually buy him jock-itch powder?
- When did my baby grow up and start dealing with itchy testicles?
- Wait, is that his little blanket I see?
- Does my teenage son still secretly cuddle with his blankie?
- Should I sniff the blanket?
- Will my ovaries burst from that decision?
- Will I remember next time to avoid sniffing the blanket, towels, sheets—anything in this room?
- Why is the shirt I bought him hanging from the ceiling fan?
- And when did that almost empty Gatorade bottle turn into a science experiment?
- Am I really going to miss all this mess when he eventually moves out?
You know what? Yes, I think I will.
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