As I begin to emerge from a particularly challenging chapter in my life, I find myself stepping back into the sunlight after grappling with the shadows of depression for the past six months. I’m grateful for this newfound clarity and optimism.
However, there’s one aspect that’s been tough to accept: during this period, I gained about 30 pounds. It wasn’t until I stepped on the scale recently that I realized the full extent of the weight gain. Sure, I noticed my jeans were a size larger, but I didn’t connect the dots until that moment.
While it’s disheartening to see such a jump on the scale, I understand that fluctuations in weight can accompany mental health struggles. Prioritizing mental well-being is essential, and I had to put my physical health on hold while addressing my anxiety and depression. I’d choose to gain weight over losing my passion for life, any day.
The silver lining is that I’m now in a position where I can focus on my physical health again. After years of fluctuating in weight, I know the ropes of shedding pounds—albeit more slowly than I did in my younger years. I’m familiar with nutritious foods, effective exercise routines, and everything I need to embark on this journey. I’m confident that I’ll eventually return to my pre-depression weight.
But that’s a future goal. The timeline remains uncertain; it could take anywhere from six months to three years. What matters now, however, is learning to embrace my body as it stands today.
Learning to accept and love my body in its current state is an ongoing challenge for me. I’ve had moments in my life when I appreciated my body, usually during times when I felt fit and healthy—but those were easy times. Now, I’m embarking on a new journey of self-acceptance, even if my body isn’t at its best.
My body, with its curves and softness, doesn’t dictate my worth or my identity as a mom. My arms may jiggle, but they still cradle my son when he needs comfort. My thighs may touch, but they’re strong enough for my daughter to bounce on during our playtime. My belly may be softer, but it’s still a cozy spot for my kids to snuggle against after a long day.
I refuse to let my weight determine my happiness or how I see myself. I won’t criticize every curve when I step out of the shower or grimace at my reflection. Instead, I will view my body as a work in progress, understanding that it will never be perfect; it will simply exist as it is.
Taking care of my body is important, but it’s just one part of who I am. Just as I’ve learned to accept my other imperfections—like my impatience and my restless nights—I’m on a path to truly love my body, too.
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In summary, my journey of self-love and acceptance continues as I navigate my body’s changes. I choose to prioritize my mental well-being and celebrate my strength, all while moving toward a healthier future.