Much of parenting advice — found in blogs, magazines, and various websites — tends to focus on the early years. Messy toddlers, mismatched socks, bathroom privacy that feels like a distant memory, and that last-minute bake sale you totally forgot about.
Fast forward to the days filled with endless complaints, packed lunches, and school carpools. The after-school activities like soccer practice, piano lessons, and school performances add to the chaos. And let’s not forget about your partner, who often seems to be out with friends or has other plans while you juggle it all. It’s enough to make anyone feel overwhelmed.
But here’s the surprising truth: many of the things you were told about your children growing up and seeking independence are not quite right. While kids do eventually transition to adulthood (or so I hear), today’s older kids often seem reluctant to embrace that independence. Here are five myths that I was led to believe during my parenting journey, which turned out to be far from the truth.
1. You’ll Have More Free Time When They’re Older.
Let’s get real — this is a total myth! The responsibilities don’t magically disappear as kids grow. You’ll still be cleaning, cooking, and managing their chores, all while juggling your own work commitments. A simple text asking them to clean their room? It’s often met with the same reluctance as when they were toddlers.
2. Once They Can Drive, You’ll Be Begging Them to Stay Home.
Not even close! While I couldn’t wait to get behind the wheel at 16, my kids required a little coaxing to even get behind the wheel. I find myself creating errands just to enjoy a few moments of solitude. It doesn’t matter how many cans of peas I have in the cupboard; if sending them out for one more gives me a brief escape, then so be it!
3. They’ll Stop Wanting to Talk to You.
Not true! I cherish that my children feel comfortable sharing their lives with me, yet I wouldn’t mind a few conversations during daylight hours instead of late-night chats when I’m exhausted. The flood of texts about what snacks to buy or the color of apples is constant, and the “Mom! Mom! Mom!” refrain? It’s still going strong, despite my best efforts to find some peace.
4. Their Toys Won’t Be Littering the House.
Oh, how wrong I was! While the toys may have changed from action figures to video game controllers, they’re still everywhere. Whether it’s on the couch, the floor, or the dining table, the clutter remains. It appears the ability to pick up after themselves is still a work in progress.
5. Older Kids Can Handle Themselves.
In what universe does this happen? Sure, they can reheat meals from the fridge, and they can do the dishes if pushed, but the ability to independently manage their responsibilities? Not quite there yet. They’ve been taught how to cook and clean, but it seems those lessons haven’t fully taken root.
In summary, parenting responsibilities don’t magically dissolve when kids reach a certain age. Despite the time and effort we put into teaching them independence, the results take longer to manifest than we might hope. That said, I do enjoy a close relationship with my kids, which includes family movie nights. When they eventually do grow up and move out, I’ll know I did my best. They’ll always be welcome back for the holidays, probably waiting for me to whip up their favorite meals!
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