By: Mia Thompson
Updated: Aug. 21, 2023
In an ideal world, my daughter would have two active parents equally involved in her education. However, the reality has often been that I, her mother, am the one doing most of the heavy lifting. This year, though, I’m determined to change that narrative by ensuring her school recognizes her father’s role as well. He deserves to be included just as much as I am.
As the new school year approached, I noticed the welcome emails and messages from teachers flooding my inbox. Not this year, I thought. I’m going to take action. My message was direct and clear.
Dear Principal Johnson,
We’re excited about the upcoming school year. Please add my daughter’s father to your email list for school communications. It’s essential for our family that he receives all updates moving forward.
With a click of “send,” I felt a surge of empowerment. This year, there will be no fanfare for my partner when he steps into the school. I wanted to send a message: I’m not the only one responsible for our family’s involvement in our daughter’s education.
The assumption that I alone represent our daughter’s educational journey frustrates both me and my partner, confining us to outdated gender roles. When I attend events, he often becomes invisible while I’m praised and approached. It’s almost comical how quickly attention shifts back to me once he speaks; suddenly, his words are treated like revelations, while my contributions fade into the background.
In today’s world, fathers engage in parenting in diverse ways—stay-at-home dads, PTA volunteers, and even dads who blog about their experiences. They teach their kids to skateboard or sew, breaking away from the stereotypical image of fatherhood. I grew up in a household where my father was the primary caregiver, attending conferences, cooking meals, and signing report cards. His active presence set a high bar, and I believe fathers should receive the same recognition and support that mothers do.
This is exactly why I sent that email. I want my daughter’s school to think of me as an afterthought, just like they do her father. What would the year look like if I experienced the same low expectations? I could walk into every event with confidence, feeling like a celebrity at an awards show, without the pressure to perform or contribute. That’s a dream scenario.
However, I know that instead of reducing the expectations for parents, we must elevate them. My partner should receive all school communications and be recognized as the engaged parent he is. We aren’t just co-parents; we are both involved parents. When asked for volunteers, I’ll pass along his email. If the principal looks to me for PTA leadership, I’ll redirect that to him.
During one of our last meetings, I noticed another father stepping up. “We’re meeting next week at the same time and place,” he announced as parents were leaving. I felt a spark of hope for a more inclusive environment.
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In summary, schools should recognize and encourage the involvement of fathers just as much as mothers. Acknowledging both parents equally creates a more balanced and supportive environment for children. By ensuring that both parents receive equal communication and opportunities to engage, we can break the traditional gender roles that often limit parental involvement.