“Megan, there’s this party I’m thinking about going to on Saturday night…”
When my teenage daughter first mentioned this during a coffee run at the end of her eighth-grade year, everything felt perfect in our little world—until the word “party” hit my ears. My heart raced, and I suddenly had a million questions swirling in my mind: Whose party? Where is it? Are the parents going to be home? Is there going to be drinking involved?
I fought to maintain my composure as I gripped the steering wheel, pretending to focus on the road ahead while turning up the radio to drown out the anxiety creeping in.
“Megan? The party?”
I parked the car, turned off the engine, and faced her. Although my husband and I had always emphasized that alcohol is for adults, we hadn’t clearly discussed our expectations or the realities of teen drinking. Clearly, the moment had come.
“Okay, tell me more about this party,” I prompted.
The host was a friend of a friend, and the invitation had come through Instagram. Megan wasn’t sure if the girl’s parents would be around, nor did she know the address. I held back my instinct to shut things down, even as she insisted that all her friends would be there and she didn’t want to miss out.
After she made her case, I posed the question we hadn’t discussed: “Will there be alcohol?”
She looked down, acknowledging, “Honestly, Mom, I’m not sure, but probably.”
And just like that, I realized that my 13-year-old was now at an age where alcohol could come into play, but she wasn’t equipped to handle it or understand its consequences. While I would love for her to navigate her teenage years without ever encountering alcohol, the truth is that experimentation is common. I certainly did at her age.
As a parent, it’s my responsibility to educate her about alcohol and express my views. No amount of lecturing will prevent her from making choices, but I want her to have the knowledge to make safe, informed decisions. Ultimately, the choice is hers.
I began with the basics: Underage drinking is against the law for a reason. I made it clear that we will never be the kind of parents who provide alcohol for her or her friends or allow them to drink in our home. That’s when I got the classic eye roll that let me know just how uncool I was. Fine.
Next, I explained how excessive drinking can harm brain cells—something to avoid while her brain is still developing. I emphasized that drinking too much can lead to embarrassing situations like throwing up and suffering through hangovers. Finally, I reminded her that alcohol impairs decision-making, making it dangerous to be in situations like getting into a car with a drunk driver or leaving behind a friend in need.
Perhaps the most serious point I made was regarding the link between alcohol and assault. Being intoxicated doesn’t justify anyone’s harmful actions, but it can make it harder to resist or seek help if things go wrong.
After I finished my little talk, silence enveloped us. I could see concern in Megan’s eyes, even as she attempted to play it cool.
“What if I do drink, Mom? What if I get into trouble?”
That’s when my heart just melted. Growing up is tough. Learning to trust oneself involves trial and error. I’m in my 40s, and I’m still navigating life’s challenges. What makes it easier is knowing I’ll always be there to support my daughter, even if she ends up facing consequences.
“If you ever find yourself in a tough spot, call me. No matter what the situation is,” I said, taking her hand. “And if you need a quick excuse to leave, just say your ‘crazy mom’ is texting you and you need to go.”
This was the crux of my message: I want Megan to know she can rely on me as she learns to trust herself. If we can maintain open communication, we’re succeeding.
“Thanks, Mom,” she smiled. “I guess I’ll think about whether I want to go to that party.”
“Absolutely,” I replied, relieved she was willing to reconsider. “Let’s hash it out over some Frappuccinos.”
In summary, having an open and honest conversation about teen drinking is vital for guiding your child through their formative years. By discussing the risks and maintaining trust, you can help them make safer choices while navigating peer pressure.
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