I wouldn’t label myself a hovering parent. My goal has never been to rush in at the first sign of a stumble or a cry. However, with two little ones born within a year of each other, my maternal instincts kicked into high gear, and I found myself monitoring their every move.
That was until a few weeks ago.
My little ones are no longer babies; they are now 3 and 4 years old. And, as I’ve come to realize, they can actually do things for themselves. You might be thinking, “Well, of course!” but it took me a while to fully grasp their capabilities.
As an introverted stay-at-home mom, finding balance can be challenging. There are days when I feel like I might just burst out of the house, shedding my clothes and hair, and fleeing into the wilderness. The continuous touching, the little hands tugging at me, the endless chatter about trivial things—it can all get a bit overwhelming. They often demand my attention for everything, whether it’s a snack or a game, and the whining never seems to end.
I finally reached a breaking point. I was done being the referee in their disputes and the constant playmate. One morning, while folding laundry, my son asked for a string cheese snack. I took a deep breath and said, “Go ahead and get it yourself.”
His initial shock quickly transformed into pure joy as he dashed to the fridge. That simple moment of independence opened the door to many more.
I began letting my kids tackle tasks on their own. I provided my daughter with everything she needed to make her own peanut butter sandwich, and to my surprise, nothing disastrous happened. She was so proud of her new responsibility, and even tidied up afterward by tossing the dirty knife in the trash.
With a little guidance on clothing choices, my son can dress himself, and honestly, I don’t even mind if his shirt is on backward. It gives me precious moments to focus on my own tasks without interruptions.
It turns out that with a bit of patience, kids can entertain themselves. Not in a neglectful manner, but rather in a “I’ve got stuff to do; you’re on your own” way. I’m teaching them independence and teamwork, and I’m no longer the only one who knows where toys are or how to grab a snack. They are becoming capable of handling these things by themselves.
I’ve stepped back from being the constant mediator during their squabbles. I still keep an ear out to ensure no one gets hurt and will intervene if things escalate, but I no longer jump in at the first raised voice or tug-of-war over a toy.
I’ve also accepted that while my kids mean the world to me, they can’t occupy the center of my universe every minute. It’s essential for them to learn how to entertain themselves.
Initially, I took this approach for my own sanity. I needed time to manage my work and home life, to breathe, and to have a moment of stillness. What began as a means of self-preservation has blossomed into something much more rewarding.
Now, instead of acting as the cruise director of fun, I’m embracing my role as their mom—fostering their growth into strong, capable individuals who don’t see themselves as victims. It hasn’t been a smooth journey, and we’ve faced challenges, but by stepping back, I’ve allowed them to step up. I’ve entrusted them with responsibilities and, in return, they’ve given me a more harmonious home.
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In summary, allowing kids to take on responsibilities fosters their independence while also giving parents a much-needed breather. It’s a win-win situation that leads to a more balanced and harmonious household.