This summer has been quite the rollercoaster. My partner leaves for work, and I find myself staring at the clock, wishing it would somehow provide the magic solution to fill our days with fun activities. With all three kids at home, I’m their go-to source of entertainment and the one who meets their every need. I’ve tried organizing playdates, but most of our friends have dispersed to beaches and family gatherings, or they’re busy with work, just like I used to be.
I find myself daydreaming about the beach on those scorching days when the pavement feels like lava, forcing us to retreat into our air-conditioned sanctuary, where the blinds are shut tight. It’s on those days that the playroom’s contents slowly migrate from one room to another, creating a chaotic landscape of board game pieces and doll clothes that makes me feel like I’m living in a messy dream.
Needless to say, I’ve been eagerly awaiting the start of school for quite some time. However, the relief of going from wrangling three kids to just one—especially during grocery runs—doesn’t overshadow the monumental reality that my oldest is heading off to kindergarten. Kindergarten! Like all milestones in my children’s lives, this transition brings a whirlwind of emotions for this mama. Let me break it down:
Nerves.
I can’t help but stress about the little things. My oldest is not a morning person, and honestly, neither am I. Our current morning routine resembles this:
Me: Time to get dressed!
Me (five minutes later): Seriously, it’s time to get dressed! Didn’t you hear me say that five minutes ago?
Me (another five minutes later): Are you still in your pajamas?
At this point, I grab the keys and the littles, pretending to head out the door. After all, girls who would rather tackle their 188th Where’s Waldo puzzle than listen to their mother deserve to be left behind, right?
There are tantrums. There are tears. Mornings in our house are not always smooth sailing. I can only imagine what next Tuesday morning will bring; it’s highly likely my child will be the one arriving late on her very first day of kindergarten.
Worries.
I’ve checked in with her preschool pals, only to find out that none of them will be in her kindergarten class. Now, I’m not the type of mom who overanalyzes her child’s emotional state. Sure, she’s disappointed about not being with her friends, but she’ll bounce back. Nevertheless, I can’t shake the thought of her on that first day, possibly feeling lonely or out of place, and it tugs at my heartstrings.
More nerves.
This is my first experience as a parent in the public school system. I know plenty of other parents who seem to glide through drop-offs, pickups, school lunches, and PTAs with ease. Someday, I’ll be one of those parents, but for now, I feel like someone stepping into a Zumba class for the first time: lost and awkward.
Yet more worries.
Please, just let her not be “that kid.” I hope she keeps her fingers out of her nose, uses her manners, and knows when to be quiet when the teacher speaks. Please let her refrain from using words like “vagina” or “nipples”—two of her current favorites—during school hours. I just want her to shine and reflect all the amazing lessons I’ve tried to teach her.
So yes, I’m anxious about kindergarten—though I’d never let on to my five-year-old, who undoubtedly has her own worries. For her sake, I’ll keep it together long enough to send her off with a big hug and a wave. Then, I’ll shed a few tears in the car before dropping off my middle child at preschool and heading to the grocery store with the baby, grateful for 180 days of school before summer rolls around again.
This article was originally published on August 25, 2016.
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Summary:
As a parent gearing up for the start of kindergarten, the transition brings a mix of emotions: excitement, anxiety, and a bit of worry. From managing morning routines to hoping for a smooth adjustment for my child, the journey into public schooling is both thrilling and nerve-wracking.