As we rush to breakfast one busy morning, I offer my daughter a few outfit options: “How about these new bell bottoms with a red tank top, jelly bean leggings, or a lovely purple dress?”
“Purple dress!” she exclaims, her face lighting up with excitement.
Internally, I roll my eyes. A dress? Really? She’s four, and already she fits the mold of the stereotypical “all-girl” kid. I pull the twirly, floral-patterned dress off the hanger and help her into it. I watch as she dances down the hallway, twirling joyfully.
Truth be told, I often feel frustrated by her inclination toward frilly clothes and sparkly accessories. Cinderella sneakers? No thanks! And yet, here we are. A part of me grapples with the fact that buying these princess-themed items feels like a betrayal of the values I hope to instill in my daughters. It’s as if I’m shouting, “Haven’t I taught you better than this?!”
But what do I do when it’s what she wants? If the (admittedly tacky) sneakers don’t cost more, can I really say no? I realize I should be validating her choices instead of feeling annoyed.
I have to admit that I tend to glorify my older daughter’s sense of style. She’s an intense, thoughtful child who gravitates towards gender-neutral clothing and adores her blue Converse high-tops. I can’t help but feel she takes after me—the “It’s cool to be different” mentality. She doesn’t obsess over her clothes like her younger sister; she just wears what she likes.
In comparing my reactions to both my daughters, I see an undeniable bias. I can’t help but feel guilty, and I wonder if this phenomenon stems from societal pressures. The relationship between feminism and fashion is complex. While some argue that caring about appearance contradicts feminist ideals, others believe that fashion is a form of self-expression and empowerment.
It’s a confusing landscape. Society often promotes the idea that being “natural” is the only way to be a true feminist, leaving little room for those who enjoy the beauty industry. I’m not immune to these pressures; I dislike my post-baby body and the gray hairs that have started to appear. Yet, I also enjoy makeup and the occasional pair of heels.
But if my youngest daughter loves sparkly shoes and pretty things, who am I to shame her for it? There’s no reason young girls should feel embarrassed about wanting to look beautiful. Just because I care about my appearance doesn’t mean I care any less about the world around me. My daughter’s interests don’t define her worth; they’re just a part of her multifaceted personality.
She’s not just about the dresses. My four-year-old is also focused on winning at Twister, enjoying chocolate milk through fun straws, being a good friend, and excelling in gymnastics. Her love for pretty clothes doesn’t diminish her character or intellect.
Instead of lamenting that my daughter prefers flowery dresses, I should celebrate her unique tastes. Who am I to tell her that her favorite shoes aren’t fashionable or that they’re somehow anti-feminist? If she wants to wear twirly dresses and sparkly headbands, so be it. If it takes her a little longer to get dressed in the mornings, that’s perfectly fine. It’s her individual style, and I choose to respect that.
Caring about appearance doesn’t mean it’s the only thing that matters. Just like me, my daughter can care deeply about her appearance while also holding love for her family, friends, and the world around her.
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In summary, embracing my daughter’s love for “girly” things allows her to express herself freely without shame. It’s essential to celebrate her individuality and interests, recognizing that they are just one aspect of her vibrant personality.