Dear friend,
I’m reaching out not just from a place, but from a moment in my life—a serene space I never thought I could inhabit. This tranquility was once foreign to me, overshadowed by relentless thoughts that felt as if they were injected into my mind by a dark entity. I, too, have experienced the heavy grip of anxiety, the sensation of it pressing down on my chest, making it hard to breathe. The irrational yet overwhelming obsessions that lead us to crave control are feelings I know all too well. For a long time, I bore this unbearable burden alone. I share this with you because I understand; I also live with obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Let me clarify right away: this letter is not about suggesting that OCD simply fades with time—it doesn’t. However, I can assure you that improvement is possible. You deserve a better quality of life, but the first step toward that brighter future is to speak out. Remember, you are not alone in this journey.
I know your thoughts can be terrifying and at times paralyzing. They don’t belong to you, and yet they persist, demanding your attention. That’s precisely why I felt compelled to write to you today. I want you to confront these thoughts head-on. I urge you to take that initial step—the step I wish I had taken sooner.
Let’s tackle that first step together because no one should have to face this alone. Whether you choose to seek professional help or confide in a family member, the decision is yours. By joining you in this endeavor, I am also committing to my own first step, which I’ve been delaying for 23 years: being completely transparent about my irrational fears.
Here are some of my deepest, darkest secrets that I’ve kept hidden out of shame:
- As a child, I avoided knives, fearing I would harm someone without meaning to.
- In an attempt to ward off intrusive thoughts, I would skip in place at the mall, inhaling when I saw a woman and exhaling when I saw a man.
- I washed my hands obsessively if someone I disliked touched me, afraid of becoming like them.
- My hands would become so dry from washing that the skin would peel off.
- I spent countless minutes inspecting my car, returning repeatedly to check if I had left the lights on or the doors unlocked.
- Preparing a simple meal could take me hours due to the need to disinfect everything multiple times.
- I would check the door lock seven times before going to bed, terrified of intruders.
- On sleepless nights, I’d sometimes have to get up to wash my hands to alleviate intrusive thoughts.
- I avoided pets and children out of fear that I might harm them.
- All of this was done in secret, cloaked in shame.
I’m proud to say I’ve overcome most of these fears and compulsions. Even on tough days, when anxiety looms large, I find the strength to acknowledge these intrusive thoughts for what they are: just thoughts. I’ve learned to let them pass. This progress has been possible thanks to the support of psychologists, medication, and my loving family.
I am done hiding in shame. I refuse to let the stigma around mental health keep me silent, and I won’t pretend that I don’t have OCD to spare others discomfort.
Let’s stop the pretense together. Please take that first step—not just for me, but for those you love. Most importantly, do it for yourself. Remember, the journey to healing begins with speaking up and seeking help. For further guidance on navigating your journey, you may find this insightful article on finding the right support helpful. Check out resources like IVF Babble to gain more perspectives on pregnancy and home insemination, or explore other related topics like this informative post to keep you engaged.
In conclusion, your path to healing is within reach. Embrace the opportunity to take that first step toward a better life.